What are you waiting for?

It woke me up this morning, but I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from.  I heard this muffled gentle bark sporadically; every 5 or 10 minutes.  It sounded far away, and was almost an apologetic sweet little yelp.  Now, Gus will bark enthusiastically whenever he sees someone approach the front door, but he rarely barks in the house unless someone is engaged in a full out romp with him.  I assumed it was coming from some dog outside, so I went back to sleep.

I tried to snooze for another half hour, but kept being disturbed by this little noise.  I decided that it sounded like Gus, so I went downstairs to complain about being woken up.  I didn’t get my usual furry wagging morning greeting;  a quiet empty house was all I found.  So I made my coffee and assumed that it was a neighbour’s dog I had heard.  I figured that Gus must be out in the park with Jeff, and I began my morning routine.

Halfway through my coffee I went back upstairs to get something from my room, and then it occurred to me.  The door to one of the empty bedrooms was slightly ajar.  I gave it a gentle push.  Out bounded one incredibly grateful labradoodle!  He proceeded to smother me with kisses; almost knocking me down as he enthusiastically thanked me for setting him free!

What struck me as I settled down to finish my coffee was the fact that Gus had been sitting patiently on the other side of that door for close to an hour; waiting for someone to push it open and let him out!  His quiet little calls for help had eventually subsided, and he had been waiting silently in the dark when I finally stumbled upon him in there.  Now, Gus is one smart doodle – even our trainer remarked on this fact.  He can pry open the sock drawer and help himself to the perfect pair.  He can catch a frisbee mid-air on the fly.  He can find a ball that is lost under the chaos of the branches at the park.  That door to the bedroom was open enough that all he had to do was nudge it a bit more with his nose, yet he sat there feeling trapped inside; waiting for someone else to let him out!

What are you waiting for in your life right now?

We are all quick to delegate away responsibility for our freedom, happiness or success; acting as though we lack the power or skills to make things happen for ourselves.  We say that our career will take off when someone else gives us the right break.  We believe that we will be truly happy once we lose 10 pounds.  We act as though pursuing our true passion isn’t an acceptable course of action.  We sit quietly on the other side of that door; peeking at the crack of light on the other side, but somehow not believing that we have the ability to nudge it open and bound out of the room.

Happiness and success come from believing in yourself and accepting that you are the only one who truly controls your own life.  If you are clear about what you value and what you are passionate about, it becomes easy to see the road that leads to your destination.  That door is already open.  Go ahead and give it a nudge!

It’s beautiful out there!

I know, you’re thinking “really?”  It’s only about 6 degrees out; it’s grey and drizzly, and there is a wind that’s bending the trees over!  Well, as I’ve said before, the day really can be whatever you want it to be!  Attitude is everything.

When you live with an 83lb dog, you go outside 365 days of the year, whatever the weather.  If there’s one lesson I truly have learned from Gus, it’s that getting outside every day just feels great.  I really do miss the fresh air if I have a day when I’m not able to take him for one of his walks.  I do believe that there is no such thing as bad weather; only poor clothing choices!  The secret to enjoying whatever Mother Nature throws at us is to dress for it.  Today I put on a few layers (waterproof one on top), hiking boots, a neck warmer & a hat.  I was toasty warm & dry, and the drizzly wind didn’t bother me one bit.

When you’re warm and comfortable you can get on with stretching out your limbs and truly enjoying the walk.  You have time to really open your eyes and appreciate what’s around you.

While many were huddled at home with a cup of tea, Gus and I were out enjoying the beautiful sights of spring in our neighbourhood.

Take a look . . .

Happy spring. . . now get out there and enjoy it!

Even though we all look different on the outside. . .

Please tell me, why can’t humans just figure this out?

Isn’t that a great shot?  There’s Gus in the middle, surrounded by his friends, Dexter, Ket, Oscar, Roxy, Kahshe and Mikey (the little white dog you can barely see tucked in the bottom).  I took this picture this afternoon as Gus came home from an outing with Dolly; the world’s most extraordinary dog-whisperer, walker, trainer, surrogate dog-mommy, and pork-chop handler (don’t ask!).

I couldn’t resist taking this photo because I was completely blown away by the image of all these very beautiful and very different dogs sitting peacefully together in the back of the car.  They had just come back from a huge romp in the park.

Now, don’t be naive.  Dogs have different personalities and temperaments and, as you might expect, there were apparently a few “moments” during the outing when some emotions did run a bit high.  No worries; one of the things I love about Dolly is that she really understands the dynamic that exists among the dogs, and she is amazing at facilitating harmony by letting the natural order of the pack fall into place.

Dolly knows how to keep everyone calm, and to step in when necessary, but it is incredible to see the way the dogs to tend to sort things out among themselves.  To me, what this picture really says is, “hey, we’re all different breeds and we all come from different backgrounds, but we have worked it out and can be here together peacefully.”

A great lesson for the rest of us, don’t you think. . . ?

Sloppy Kisses for Valentine’s Day

This was one of the first things I ever posted on Lessons From Gus.  I think the sentiment still rings true today.  Let the important people around you know how you feel about them – don’t wait for Valentine’s Day!

This is from August, 2009 and the title was “A big smile and a sloppy kiss can work magic”

Today was kind of aggravating.  Now, I really love the work I do teaching, and usually I come home tired but energized – sort of like after a performance.  Somehow today was different.   For whatever reason, my lectures seemed to really drag and I felt like Jerry Seinfeld on a bad night at the improv.  You know; the sound of one hand clapping in the audience.  To top it off, I had a student challenge me in front of the class, and I had to be politically correct and give a snappy comeback while still staying professional and respectful. It annoyed me that I had to deal with that when I try so hard and put in  so much effort for my students.

Let’s just say that by the time I rolled into the driveway, I had been mulling things over and I was feeling pretty rotten.  I was in one of those moods where I just wanted to get in the door, make a cup of tea, and slump by myself for a bit so I wouldn’t whine and complain to anyone else.

I opened the door  to do this, and instead was greeted by 82 pounds of bouncing labradoodle in full body wag.  Now let me tell you, when Gus is really happy, he actually smiles. He was so happy to see me that he was grinning from ear to ear (that’s really big!) and he pranced around in front of me  before  diving in to place a big sloppy dog-kiss all over my face!  Sorry for all you germophobes, but I absolutely  loved every minute of it!

Before I knew it, my grumpy mood had completely dissolved as I bathed (literally) in this enthusiastic welcome.

A little later when I did have the chance to sit and reflect, I started to think about how I usually greet the members of my family when they come in the door at the end of the day.  Sometimes I don’t even look up from what I’m doing – I just call out “hi” from another room.  I realized how the reception you get when you come in the door can have such a huge impact, and  how it can do wonders to erase the effects of a difficult day.

I’m having this flash to a scene I recall from some 1950′s homemaker’s magazine where women are instructed to meet their husbands at the door “in a fresh dress, with a martini ready for him” -don’t worry, this isn’t what I mean (although the martini sounds like a nice touch!).  I guess I’m just thinking of making a bit of an extra effort to show how genuinely happy I am to see the people I love when they come in the door.  I’m going to try it and see what happens.

P.S.  Here’s another kind of kisses that might come in handy today:

I posted this simple recipe on my Rainbow Plate blog:

Wishing you lots of kisses for this Valentine’s Day!

xo

Janet and Gus

 

You Might As Well Love It

Well, having survived the “snowmageddon” of last week, here we are in the midst of yet more snow.  Welcome to February in Canada!  Everywhere I turn, I am greeted by complaints and the sounds of people who are feeling a certain way right about now;  lots of winter behind us, and lots of winter still ahead of us!   One of my friends posted on Facebook this morning, “snow, snow go away, come again another. . . year!”  When I stepped outside the other day and greeted a neighbour with “what a beautiful day!” all she had to say back was, “I hate winter!”  Does everybody feel that way?

Well, Gus doesn’t!  This guy has the right attitude.  He can’t wait to get outside in the snow and run around, even if he’s just been roused from the coziest sleep.  You would think he was let loose in a combined fluffy playground and buffet!  He will run like crazy and dig his face deep into the snow, and then stop and take a great big mouthful of the stuff for a snack.  It’s hilarious to watch.

Sometimes he’ll just sit quietly in the snow on the deck, and it seems like he’s just admiring how beautiful it really is.

I think he’s got the right idea.

Let’s face it, even if the groundhog was right, winter is going to be here for a while.  We might as well find something about it to love.

Like how beautiful the trees look. . .

Or how peaceful it is to walk down the snowy path. . .

Or all the fun things you can do with the snow besides shovelling it. . . (okay, you do need thumbs for this!)

How many times in our lives are we going to be stuck with events or situations that might not be our first choice?  Let’s face it, if I was offered a free trip to some sun-soaked beach destination I’d be out of all this beautiful winter in a flash!  But, here I am for the duration, so I’ve decided to make the best of it.  There is always a way to put a positive spin on wherever you are, and whatever you are dealing with.  Research has proven that people who are optimistic and focus on the positive side of events always fare better, and live longer, healthier lives.  So, pull on those snow pants and lace up those waterproof  boots or skates, and get out there and enjoy this stuff.  You might even find someone out there to play with!

It’s Gus’s Big 5.0!!

It’s Gus’s fifth birthday today!  Like any mom, I’m excited, proud and a bit nostalgic all at the same time.

While I can’t believe 5 whole years have passed, I also can’t seem to remember a time when Gus wasn’t part of our lives.  I am also doing my best to not focus on the down side of time marching forward.  I have vowed to keep it positive!

So we will celebrate this birthday as we always do – with some treats, some special members of the family, and with a toast to all the things that make Gus so important to us all.  I thought I would post a few pictures to help tell the story and to bring you some smiles. Happy Birthday Big Guy!

First bath

Best stick ever!

Hangin' out with the gang

Frisbee love

Mom made me wear this hat

With my brother Lucky

Life’s great!

Who needs the gym?

Okay, so it’s the second week of January.  This is the hottest time of year for sales of gym memberships and fitness equipment.  Save your money and get a dog!

If you’re bundled up, the fresh air, sunshine and the crisp snow are more powerful stimulants than anything they’re pumping into the stale air in one of those windowless gyms.  Besides, you don’t have to listen to that droning disco music in the background!

I make a point of running around with Gus – up and down the hills, and across the snowy fields.   I get my leg exercises by kicking up clumps of snow for him to jump for.  To be honest, just tromping through the heavy snow with boots and snowpants often feels like I’m  wearing extra leg weights.

When we’re all done, I feel just as “worked out” as if I’d been at the gym.  The bonus is that it doesn’t cost anything, and I get a wonderful sloppy thank you from my workout buddy!

Don’t Be Afraid To Make The First Tracks

So here we are again.  The fields are covered in snow.  The sun is blazing, despite the -15 degree temperature.  It’s a beautiful day to be outside, as long as you’re dressed for the weather.

I love to stand at the top of the hill and look down onto the sparkling expanse of snow below.  I’m always a bit reluctant to take the plunge and begin tramping ahead with Gus.  Somehow it seems a bit sad to puncture the pristine snow with my clompy boots and his prancing paws.  Never mind.  On we go, and before long, the field is a mess of footprints and pawprints; leaving evidence of everywhere we’ve been.   For the past two mornings we have spent ages outside in the fields; running and playing in the snow, and working up a sweat despite the freezing temperatures.  We’ve had the best time.

It’s a bit like life itself, isn’t it?  When we are about to begin something fresh and new, we stand on the brink, contemplating what we are about to dive into.  It’s often a mix of excitement, wonder and trepidation all rolled together that can keep us perched there; immobilized.  As if we’re afraid of ruining that perfect image before us with our footprints and actions, as we forge ahead into new territory.

You’ll think I’m nuts, but I’m reminded of something silly from my childhood.  When we were little, my siblings and I used to argue over who got to “break the rink” on a new jar of peanut butter, by being the first one to dig a knife into it.  (Boy, were we easy to entertain!)  I guess we knew then that it was less important to gaze at the perfectly smooth surface than to get on with taking the plunge, and enjoying what would come next.

Get going!

A season for miracles and giving thanks

What a wonderful time of year.  Though it really hasn’t been a tough winter, it still always feels so good when spring finally arrives.  Over the past few weeks, Gus and I have marveled at the changes unfolding around us.

The last snowball of the season

Snow seems like a distant memory, and the fields are moving from frozen to muddy, to dry grass crunching under our feet.

First spring crocuses

The first brave flowers are poking their heads up through the hard dry ground.

Gus has been very serious about checking them out.

Snowdrops

Everywhere we walk there are new sights and smells as the earth wakes up and reveals the promise of spring once again.  It’s hard not to smile as we stretch our arms and legs  in the warm sun, without the heavy layers we have been used to wearing outdoors.

It’s no coincidence that the theme of rebirth and renewal turns up in many holidays and celebrations at this time of year.  My family observes the Jewish holiday of Passover.  In addition to commemorating the Exodus from Egypt, the symbols that we incorporate into our celebration also remind us of this wonderful season where everything is new and beginning to grow. We include eggs and fresh greens among the items we eat as part of our special Passover meals.   Eggs and bunnies as symbols of new life are part of the Easter celebrations observed by many this weekend.

It’s not hard to view the bursting forth of bright new flowers and new life as a miracle after the barren and bleak winter season we have just finished.  The theme of miracles also shows up in all of the seasonal festivals that take place at this time.  In our traditional observance, we retell the ancient story and we give thanks for the miracles that have allowed us to reach this festive season once again.

Well, as it often does, life imitates life itself.  Yesterday Gus and I lived through our own little story, complete with a small miracle at the end.

So here’s what happened:

We had a wonderful hour-long walk on the most beautiful day.  We were just heading towards home, when along came a kid sitting on his skateboard, flying towards us along the sidewalk.  He wasn’t doing anything wrong at all – just having fun at top speed.  He would’ve zoomed right by us, but something about the sight of him completely spooked Gus.  Now, let me tell you, when 80-plus pounds of Labradoodle decide to take off in the opposite direction, there really isn’t much you can do to hold onto that leash.  So, off went Gus; back in the direction we had come from -running as fast as he could and dragging his leash behind him.

At this point the kid with the skateboard realized what had happened, and he felt really badly.  So he started skateboarding after Gus, trying to catch him for me.  I screamed at the top of my lungs, “Thank you, but please don’t!  He’s afraid of the skateboard!”  Sure enough, Gus was running away from him even faster.  Nice kid – at this point, he heard me and dropped the skateboard and started running after Gus at top speed.   By this point I was running too, trying to catch the kid.  I finally got him to hear me yelling, “Please just stop!  He thinks you’re chasing him!!”  Finally he did.

By this point Gus was out of sight; presumably running all the way home to get away from this terrible scary creature.  Now, you have to realize that going home is great, except it was about 5 km from where we were, and it involved crossing a very busy major 4-lane road to get there.  I called Jeff on my cell phone and told him to get the car and see if he could catch up with Gus before he got to that road.  In the meantime, I ran as fast as I could, trying to find him.  All I could think of was Gus bolting out into that busy traffic. . . I was terrified.

I’ll spare you the rest of the details, except for the fact that Gus did run across that busy road, and that somehow he made it across in one piece. Jeff found him panting on the other side, in the field we had crossed through a half an hour earlier.

Some miracles are huge, like the parting of the sea to let a whole nation cross safely.  Some are much smaller, involving only a frightened dog safely crossing a very busy street.  Nevertheless, a miracle is a miracle, and it is truly something to feel thankful for.  At this special time of year, I hope you can find a miracle or two in your own life, and that you can give thanks in whatever way is meaningful for you.  I certainly have.

Amen

Home safe and sound

It’s the journey itself that matters most

This morning at the end of our walk, Gus bounded up the front steps and plopped down as he always does to wait for me to toss him his cookie.  There he is in the picture, sitting and waiting for our little ritual that marks our return home.  It suddenly dawned on me that, in the four years we have spent together, Gus and I have been on more than 1200 walks!  When I think about the mileage we have covered, it is truly mind-boggling.  I have worn through several pairs of walking shoes to prove it.  As I pondered this, I was struck by an even more incredible fact.  Despite the distance we have covered together, we always end up in exactly the same place at the end of our walk:  right on our own front porch where we started!  I suppose you could say that, despite all of our walking, we haven’t really gone anywhere at all.

What a concept.  Walking and walking, yet ultimately ending up right back in the same place.  To some, it might seem crazy.  But not to me.

You see, for Gus and for me it’s the walk itself that is the whole point.

Sure, a daily walk is a great source of exercise and fresh air.  I highly recommend it for all the obvious reasons.  But, if you’ve been reading here for a while, you will know that  there is so much more that happens when we are out walking together.  Every day on our journey we meet people and dogs. We make new friends and share experiences.  We are inspired by magical sights right in our own neighbourhood.  In fact, it is while we have been out walking, ultimately going nowhere, that all the important lessons have occurred.

Today is my 49th birthday.  I’ve had a perfectly lovely day.  I got hugs and good wishes from family and friends near and far.  I had lunch with two incredibly special women. I had dinner with my wonderful family.  And I started it off with a very long walk outside with Gus on a beautiful snowy day.

I was thinking this morning that life itself is like these daily walks.  I don’t want to be morbid, but let’s face it, we are all going to end up in the same place we started out eventually.  Dust to dust, and all that stuff.  Each time we mark the passage of another year, it’s as if we are setting out on another walk – one that will end up at our next birthday.  I truly feel that the years themselves aren’t the point at all.  Perhaps that’s why I’ve never been hung up about revealing my age.   To me, it’s what we’re doing on that journey between the milestones that really matters in the long run.

As I look back on the past year, I am overwhelmed by all that I have seen, done and learned on my journey.  I have met and developed relationships with so many incredible people.  I have marveled at the wonders of the changing seasons and the magical sights that have been right in front of me all the time.  I have learned valuable lessons about myself and what I believe, and I have a clearer sense of who I am and what I value.  There have been high points and low points, but all in all it has been an incredible ride.

Tomorrow is February 11th once again, and I will lace up my shoes and set out off the front porch as always.  I can’t wait to see what I will discover next, as my journey continues. . .

Welcome Gracie!

Gus has a new cousin!

This is Gracie.  She joined my sister Ellen’s family last week, and we are all thrilled!  She is a lovely, mellow girl with a coat like grey velvet and soulful eyes that can melt your heart.  She has already settled in and is taking up residence in everyone’s hearts.

We can’t wait for all the fun times ahead.  That’s what family is all about, right?

Happy Birthday Gus!!

Today is Gus’s 4th birthday!

In our house we believe in celebrating everything that there is to celebrate. This morning we woke up to birthday hugs and kisses, and it has been all about Gus all day.  He had a great time outside, flying across the field and doing what he loves most – running after his ball.  He even got together with a few friends for a romp.

This afternoon, Grandma came over (as she does for all her grandchildren’s birthdays).  We had a little party, complete with presents, decorations and birthday cake.

Hey, life is short and there’s enough of the other stuff, isn’t there?  When you have something to celebrate, I believe that you should absolutely go for it!

If you’d like to post a birthday comment below for Gus, that would be great. I’ll be sure to read them all to him.

Cheers!

P.S.  I’d like to also send a  special Happy Birthday wish today to my wonderful cousins, Lesley and Michelle!  (I wrote about them in an early post, Sometimes you Just Have to Choose ).  Happy Birthday and thanks for the inspiration!

Listen to your heart

“You’re insane!”  The voice of my dearest and most trusted friend rang across the telephone line.  “You’re 45 years old!  Your kids are old enough that you are finally getting some freedom, and you can walk out the door whenever you want to.  You guys are already working so hard, trying to do everything for your family, and you never have time for yourself as it is. IF YOU GET A DOG NOW, YOU’RE CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There we were, four years ago this month, on the brink of the decision to get a dog.  You already know how the story ended. However, this week I find myself thinking back to that time, and remembering the process we went through in making that life altering decision.  I suppose it was the first lesson that Gus taught me, before he even arrived.

At the wise old age of almost 49, I know for sure that the one constant in life is change.  Just when you think you have settled into your groove, and you have it all figured out, something new will come along and rattle your world.  Perhaps you are deciding to give in to that urge to bring a dog or a child into your family.  Maybe you want to go back to school, to change your life’s direction.  Sometimes a challenging new opportunity presents itself at work.  It’s all part of this fabulous journey called life.

So what do you do?  As humans, our natural instinct is to be thrown off balance by the prospect of change to the status quo.  Even if we have chosen that change ourselves, we are comfortable with things the way they are. Even if it is exciting, the future can look awfully scary.  In weighing all the pros and cons, we tend to focus heavily on all the negatives associated with the change, and how it will impact our lives.

I remember methodically detailing all the ways in which getting a dog would strain our resources:  time, freedom, order and money were all going to be affected as we fit this new creature into our already bustling lives.  We would have to alter our daily routine and schedule to accommodate his needs.  We had to adjust our monthly budget to account for his food, pet insurance, vet bills, and supplies. We had to come to terms with the fact that we would have a whole lot of poop to pick up over the course of his life!

As responsible adults, we tried to create a spreadsheet; weighing both sides of this monumental decision.  We also listed all the positives associated with getting a dog.  From our research, we knew that dog ownership brings more exercise, stress relief, and a chance for the kids to experience the love and responsibility that go along with caring for a living being.  This sounded great, but was it enough to outweigh all the negatives??  As the Mom of the family, the final say in the decision was mine.  After all, it was acknowledged that it was my life that would be affected the most by this change.

What followed, and what I have since distilled as the original Lesson from Gus, was a process that I realize I have gone back to time and time again through my life.  I did my homework, and I thoroughly researched everything I could that would help me with my decision.   I tried to gather as much information as I could to enable me to project what life would be like with a dog in the family.  I visited friends with dogs and asked them about their day-to-day life.  I compared notes about costs and benefits; love and headaches, and I asked everyone I knew what they thought I should do.

I was completely rational and practical as I weighed all this information. I went in circles, and drove everyone around me crazy as I analyzed it all to death, and tried to put it all together.  What if I resented being tied to the house more?  What if we got hit with  a huge vet bill?  What if he chewed up everything in sight?  Would we be able to fit his walks into our daily schedule?  How hard would it be to train him?  It would be good for us all to get outside more.  We would love having a sweet puppy in the house…

In the end, after so much analyzing that my head hurt, I stopped and took a step back from the issue.  I realized what I had to do to make my decision.

I finally understood that the research was critical, and the analysis essential, but that those parts of the process weren’t going to give me everything I needed to reach my conclusion.  I learned that, in making life decisions, there are some elements that you miss if you only look at the data and the balance sheet.  There’s another part of the process that’s just as important.  It hit me then what I had to do.

So, I closed my eyes, and I took a deep breath . . .  and I listened to my heart.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Eat, play, love

I don’t think that Gus has any idea at all that the calendar has just turned over, but for us humans, it’s hard to escape.  There is something about the approach of December 31 that makes us reflect on what has passed, and on what lies ahead.  It can all get a bit overwhelming.

As a result, I’m sure you noticed that I retreated from blogging for much of December.  My apologies, but for some reason I found myself needing to take a break from “putting it out there.”   I have had a wonderful few weeks of non-routine with Gus, my family, and so many special friends.  I’ve also found myself turning inwards.  I’ve  looked back over the events of 2009, and I’ve reflected a lot on what lies ahead for me in 2010.

This past year will always stand out for me as one of great extremes.  I experienced loss, sadness and grief, but also the incredible gifts of love, support, and inspiration from so many incredible souls around me.  I suppose those two sides of the coin often come to us together.

I have also had the incredible experience of acting on something I am passionate about, and I have been overwhelmed by the positive results and far-reaching ripple effects that have come back to me as a result.  I have felt excited, terrified, overwhelmed and incredibly fulfilled, all at the same time.

As I try to sum it all up and step bravely forward, out into the -20 degree January morning, I find that, as usual, I am drawing another lesson from Gus.  In his world, right now is what truly matters.  Introspection and reflection are great, but he just gets on with it and deals with what’s right in front of him; right here and right now.  And he keeps it pretty simple.

As the title above suggests, life for Gus revolves around three basic things.  In fact, I realized that the last few weeks have been all about those same three pillars for me as well.  I have eaten so much wonderful food (and I have the tight waistband to show for it!).  I have kicked back and enjoyed down time and fun with those who are dear to me.  And, I have been truly blessed with an abundance of love in my life.  Maybe that’s why I’m feeling so good now, as I head into this new year.

I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions.  To me, they only set us up for disappointment and frustration, as we try to measure up against unrealistic and unattainable goals.  This year, I’m going to try to keep it simple, the way Gus does.  I’m going to do my best to focus on the here and now, just as it unfolds before me.

My plan for 2010 is to eat well, play often, and love with all my heart.  I think that if I manage to do that, the rest will take care of itself.

Happy New Year!

Love, Janet

First snow

The first snow

So there we were yesterday.  So excited to finally see snow on the ground when we were out for our morning walk!  Gus kept putting his nose in it and sniffing – as if remembering a long lost friend from last winter.  True, there wasn’t much.  But given how late it is in the season, we were happy just the same to finally see the white stuff on the grass.  We thought it was a really big deal.

Then. . . we woke up this morning, and WOW!!

Now that's really snow!

Gus couldn’t have been happier.  As soon as I opened the door, he took off like a shot into the park.  He was bounding and racing around like crazy; stopping every so often to take a huge mouthful of snow into his mouth.  It’s as though he couldn’t decide if it was for playing in, or eating!  We stayed outside for quite a while, playing frisbee and sloshing around in it.  When it was time to go in, Gus actually jumped up and put his paws on my shoulders, as if pleading with me “Mom! – can’t we stay outside a bit longer!”

There’s something about the first real snowfall of the season that brings out the same excitement in me.  That feeling of winter finally being here; of welcoming back an old friend.  I’m sure you also have wonderful childhood memories of bundling up and running out in the newly fallen snow. Everything looks so beautiful and magical, transformed by a white cloak.  The possibilities seem endless.

As adults, we tend to look at the snow in terms of negatives.  Traffic snarls, driveways to shovel, and boots to locate can dominate our thoughts as we gaze upon the first white blanket of the season.  For just a minute, put all those grown up thoughts aside and remember the childlike (or dog-like) excitement that really should accompany this magical moment.  Now, go outside and play!

Creative problem solving

Okay, so here’s the story:  I was all set tonight to write a serious post about dealing with stress, but then I looked over at Gus, and he just made me smile.  We can talk about stress another day, right?  I decided that a few smiles would do everyone a world of good.  In fact, they might just help alleviate a bunch of that stress that I was going to write about.

What happened is that Gus got a small cut on his back a few days ago.  It wasn’t any big deal, but, being a dog, he just wouldn’t leave it alone.  He kept licking at it, and he was preventing it from healing.  We were trying to think of how to get him to stay away from it.  A band-aid wouldn’t work, for obvious reasons.  We didn’t think he needed to go to the vet’s, and we didn’t want him to have to wear one of those awful lampshade cones.  Then I had a brilliant idea.  I suggested that we put a t-shirt on him, to keep the area covered so he couldn’t get at it.  Bingo!  It worked.  So, for the past few days, Gus the labradoodle has been sporting a variety of Jeff’s old t-shirts.  He actually seems to enjoy wearing them. He calmly lets us put the shirt on, and he hasn’t tried to take them off at all, although I can’t imagine how he would do that anyways!

Of course, we take the shirt off when he goes outside – we wouldn’t want the other dogs to get jealous!  We have jazzed things up a bit by finding some more stylish shirts as well.  Don’t you think he looks great in mauve?

Today he was sporting a nautical, preppy look.  I think it really suits him!

So there you have it.  A little story about solving a problem by thinking outside the box.  Gus’s cut is healing up nicely, and we have thoroughly loved seeing him in all his stylish apparel.  I hope that you have too – enjoy!

It’s beginning to look a lot like. . .

Well, the weather is mild, and the grass is green, and there are still some hardy flowers peeking about in the gardens.  But never mind, it is November 23 and everywhere we look it is starting to look like . . . Christmas!!

As one who has never had the chance to celebrate Christmas, I have always loved all the festivities that go along with this time of year.  I particularly enjoy all the ways that people decorate their houses for the holiday season.   With that in mind, I thought I’d share a few shots I took of Gus today as we walked around the neighbourhood.  There are some very creative people out there.  Gus thought so too!

(although he wasn’t too sure about this guy in the red suit!)

Sorry, but we didn’t see any elves.

Up the down staircase

The other day as I was on my way upstairs, I came upon Gus as he was on his way downstairs.  He looked at me, and then he stopped in his tracks.  He paused for a bit, as if to consider his options.  Then he watched me go past him.  After an awkward minute or so, half-sitting on the stairs, he maneuvered himself somehow, turned around, and then proceeded to follow me where I was going.

I captured this shot of him in that moment where he frozen halfway; neither up nor down.  I think you can see the awkward look on his face, as if he isn’t quite sure which way he should be going.

In a funny coincidence, I happened to be speaking to my Mom later that afternoon.  When I asked her how her day was going she said, “to be honest, I feel like I’m going up the down staircase.”  I laughed and told her of my experience with Gus.  I said that she wasn’t alone;  and that he was having the same kind of day.

They happen to all of us.  Those days where we just can’t seem to get it all together.  I’m sure you can relate, and can think of a day, perhaps even recently, when nothing seemed to go according to plan.  On those kind of days you often feel as though you’re spinning your wheels, or, like Gus, sitting halfway up the middle of the stairs trying to figure out if you should be going up or down.  They are often days that leave me feeling as though I haven’t accomplished much of anything, even if I’ve seemed to be busy all day.

The good news is that these days usually pass quite innocently. If we don’t get too stressed about them, we can usually get back into our regular mode pretty quickly.  I’ve learned to accept that sometimes there will just be days like these, for whatever reason.  Maybe we have too much on our minds, or maybe we’re just plain tired out.  Whatever the cause, the best thing to do is to just give in and cut yourself a little slack.

When I find myself feeling this way, I usually try to keep a low profile, and I try not to take on anything too demanding.  These are often great days to just treat yourself to a little indulgence – even if it’s only a cup of tea and a half  hour with a really good book.  With a little TLC, everything ends up going in the right direction!

Just move

We always joke that Gus only came with two speed settings:  flat out and flaked out.

It’s hard to say which one he actually spends more time in over the course of the day.  If you were to ask him which speed he prefers, I’d put my money on flat out.  Gus is truly happiest when he is in motion.  To see him running full tilt across the field, with his ears flapping wildly, is to witness pure joy.

I think the reason that Gus is so calm when he’s in the house has something to do with the fact that he gets so much exercise outside every day.  We figure that, on an average day, he spends over 2 hours outside; walking, running and playing ball or frisbee.  The interesting thing is that, if he’s outside, so are we!

There is no question that we are more active as a family since Gus came into our lives.  One of the commitments we made when we decided to get a big dog was to ensure that he was properly exercised.  It has certainly paid off, both in terms of his health and ours.

There are volumes of research on the benefits of physical activity at any age.  Just today, I heard a radio announcer discussing a new study in which the evidence seemed to indicate that older people with stronger muscles are at reduced risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease.  That’s great news, and it can be added to the enormous list of benefits already attributed to being active.  They include: improving your mood; reducing the risk of chronic diseases like heart disease, diabetes, and osteoporosis; helping with weight management; boosting your energy level; improving your sleep; and even improving your sex life!  Wow, if someone said they had a pill that could do all that, people would be lining up for it.

A lot of people complain that they don’t have the time to exercise, or that they can’t afford to join a fancy gym.  That’s crazy.  In the end, you don’t need a swanky place or elaborate equipment to get active.  As far as I’m concerned, anything at all that gets you moving is better than sitting on the sofa!  Just put on your shoes and walk around the block – it’s beautiful out there!  As a bonus, you might just see something inspiring while you’re at it.

This point was brought to life beautifully for me this morning.  It was a cool and clear day, and the sun was sparkling as we strode through the neighbourhood.  At one house we passed, a grey-haired couple were out in front on the driveway. The man was wearing roller blades and a helmet, and he was helping his wife pump up the tires of her bicycle.  We passed them, and then I stopped and doubled back to say hello.  I wanted to take their picture, because it was such an inspirational scene, but they were a little camera shy.  Instead, we chatted for a bit, and I told them that I planned to write about seeing them today.  The woman piped up, “make sure to tell them that we’re seniors – 68 and 69!”  So now you know.  A few minutes later, once we were well down the street, they whizzed passed us with a smile and a hearty wave; she pedaling rapidly on the bike and he striding gracefully behind on his rollerblades.  It was a beautiful sight!

What’s in a name?

It was actually kind of hilarious and embarrassing at the same time.  This morning we were out at the park with our neighbour Mary Lou and her dog Jake.  As we strolled up the path, we noticed two women approaching.  I told Mary Lou that these were two of Gus’s good friends.  We have seen these two ladies out walking together on many mornings over the last few years.  In fact, they have known Gus since he was a puppy.  As they approached, Gus and Jake gave them great big hellos, and we all exchanged greetings as well.

As usual, they stopped walking to visit with us for a bit.  I know that one of them has an aging  dog named Sparky, who hasn’t been well.  I asked how he was doing, and was filled in on the latest details.  We ended up chatting for quite some time, and the conversation somehow rolled around to funny stories about small animals getting in houses.  We had a good laugh as we shared squirrel and mouse capers.

It was only near the end of our conversation that we somehow started to address the issue of names.  We all came to the realization that, while we knew the names of all the dogs, we did not really know each other’s names.  They knew me as “Gus’s mom” and I knew about Sparky, but I did not know the name of his mom, who I have chatted with for years.  Ironically, I knew that one of them was Carol, and we all burst out laughing as we realized that she was the only one without a dog.  “That’s why you know my name – it’s because I don’t have a dog!” she exclaimed.

So what does this say about us?  There are so many dogs we have met on our daily adventures.  I remember all their names, and I’ve written about many of them.  Very often, though, I never learn the names of their owners, or if I do, I don’t always seem to remember them.

I stopped to think about it, and I realized that there are a lot of people that I only know as “Charlie’s mom” or “Rocky’s dad.” Is it possible that I’m so focused on the dogs that the humans become less important?  I don’t really think so. because I often get into deep conversations with other dog owners, and we sometimes chat for over an hour.  I think that what happens is that, after we exchange names, I get distracted and fail to really commit that name to memory.

I have learned that, when I meet someone new, if I consciously associate their face with their name for a few seconds, then it seems to be embedded permanently in my brain.  If I fail to do this immediately, then it’s just simply gone.  It’s as if I have to tell myself, “this is important; file it for later.”  When I’m caught like today, and I realize that I haven’t really registered someone’s name, I feel as if I haven’t marked that person as important, even if that’s not truly the case.

Addressing someone by their name tells that person “you matter to me.”  I’m making a commitment to do a better job of learning and remembering the names of  all the wonderful people I meet in my travels; whether they have dogs or not.  It’s not that big of a deal; I just have to make a mental note to register those names as I learn them.  I’m sure my efforts will be appreciated.

Oh, and by the way, Sparky’s mom’s name is Robyn!

Smells like home

I’ve mentioned before how all the members of our family use Gus like a sort of living stuffed animal.  He is so sweet and gentle, and he loves to be cuddled.  He’s so big that he’s like a full-body pillow.  He’s the perfect size to snuggle up to and wrap your arms around, if you’re feeling sad or happy, or simply just in need of a hug.  Of course, we all love to bury our faces deep in his fur while we do this.

The other day, Sarah was snuggling up to Gus, when she suddenly looked up at me and exclaimed, “He smells like home!”    She’s right.

We started talking, trying to find a way to express what we knew to be true, but were struggling with putting into words.  What we agreed on was the feeling that we get when we bury our faces in Gus’s fur.  It is a comforting, settled, familiar feeling that just seems to say “home.”  You might think I’m crazy, but I spent a while trying to analyze it, and the truth is that he really doesn’t smell much at all. (Apparently we are doing something right!).  However, I took a deep sniff and tried to concentrate really hard.   When I did, I was able to detect the fresh scent of the outside air, a hint of the garden, the grass and fall leaves lingering on his fur.  I guess that’s what evokes those calm and settled feelings for us.

What scent says “home” to you?    Is it a pot of aromatic soup simmering on a crisp fall day?  Is it the familiar fragrance of a loved one’s cologne or perfume?  Is it fresh cut flowers?  Perhaps, it is the unforgettable soft sweet smell of a tiny new baby.    I’ve written before about the power of scent to evoke strong memories.  I also believe that we form powerful associations with certain smells, and that these tell a lot about who we are, and what has meaning for us.

Don’t be afraid to harness the power of scent to perk yourself up or to calm yourself down when you need it.  This is what the field of aromatherapy is all about.  We always said that we wanted Gus to be trained as a therapy dog.  I guess we didn’t realize that he already is!

. . . and if you go to new places, there will be new friends to meet

Well, Gus and I took Wendi’s advice yesterday, and we went exploring in Pomona Valley.  We had an amazing time, checking out the trails and the new sights and smells.  I was struck by how different everything looked from last weekend.  So many of the leaves have fallen from the trees already, and the landscape has changed to reflect the advance of the season.  There was still a lot of beautiful fall colour to be seen, but there were definitely more bare branches along the way.  All in all, it was another beautiful morning to be outside.

Gus was in heaven.  He kept running ahead on the trail, to check out where we were going, but he ultimately stayed nearby to keep me company.   He occasionally got quite adventurous and strayed from the path into the surrounding brush.

If you look closely at the photo above, you’ll see evidence of Gus’s “dip” in the muddy swamp just off the trail.  His normally tan coloured paws were temporarily dyed black – he looks like he’s wearing socks! In this photo, you can also see the moment when we met a new friend, Jake, and his owner.

We always meet new dogs and people on our outings, and I’m often struck by how different those encounters can be.  Some people and dogs are interested in being social, while others just simply aren’t.  I’ve even come across people who will pull their dogs close as they walk by, as if to avoid having to deal with anyone new.

This time, we said a friendly hello and we fell into an easy stride together.   We ended up walking together through the trails for over half an hour.  The two dogs got along famously, and they ran and chased each other happily through the brush. Jake’s owner and I got into an animated discussion about our dogs and their personalities, and we had a good laugh about some of the crazy capers we’ve each experienced.

When we find ourselves in new surroundings, whether down the street in a new park, or far away in a foreign country, our attitude and actions will determine what kind of experience we are in for.  I’m reminded of the stereotype of the “tacky tourist” – an individual who, though in some exotic location, is intent on finding all the familiar comforts and tastes of home.  To search for McDonald’s in a faraway locale is to deny yourself all the unique tastes and experiences that define that particular place.

This theory applies to people as well.  In any new place, no matter how far from home, there are faces and friendships waiting to be discovered.  If you are open in spirit and attitude, you will find that you can meet people and develop friendships that may last a lifetime.

Almost twenty years ago, Jeff and I moved to Australia for a year.  We were expatriates with a Canadian company, on a temporary assignment.  We were struck by the fact that so many of our colleagues chose to live and socialize with each other, despite being in a fascinating new environment.  By contrast, we found a house in a neighbourhood where there were no expats, and we made an effort to get to know our neighbours in the community.  I can tell you that the friends we made that year are still some of the most important people in our lives. I sometimes stop and think about how different our lives would be if we hadn’t been open to meeting the people around us in that new place.

Although Pomona Valley isn’t quite as far away as Melbourne, Australia, it presented a similar opportunity for a short time yesterday morning.  We may meet up many times in the future, or we may never bump into Jake and his owner again, but I know that Gus and I are both happy that we made friends yesterday.

It’s great to reconnect with old friends

This morning, Gus and I stayed local for our walk.  As we made our way across the familiar fields behind the high school, I heard the distinct hum of machinery in the distance.  Sure enough, it was the giant lawn machine from the Town, doing maintenance work on the soccer fields.   As we came into view, I noticed that the driver actually turned his rig in our direction and began to move closer.  He then lifted his hand in a hearty wave.

I realized then that the driver was a man that we had met when Gus was much younger; probably two years ago.  At that time, we used to see him frequently on our jaunts through the fields.  He would often stop and chat with us, and he really loved Gus.  I’m not sure why our paths haven’t crossed much since then, but here he was again, after so much time.

He pulled up and climbed down from his seat.  He was really happy to see us, and he told me that he had thought that we might have moved, since he hadn’t seen us for quite some time.  Gus greeted him like a long lost friend, and went into full puppy mode; jumping and running around madly in circles.  He finally settled down and dropped his ball at the man’s feet.  Our friend picked it up and played fetch with Gus for a while, as I chatted with him.  After ten minutes or so, we said a warm goodbye, and we each went on our separate ways, with a promise to look out for each other in the months ahead.

There’s something about connecting with an old friend you haven’t seen for a while that just makes you feel good.  One of the positive things that I was able to draw from the tragedy of my father’s death was the chance to reconnect with many special people from my past, as they called or came to visit me.  Marriage, careers, life events, and even simple geography often cause us to drift away from people who were significant in our lives during earlier times.  It’s not that we stop wanting to be friends.  It just happens that our paths start to head in different directions, and before we know it, months and then years have passed since we’ve been in touch.

This might seem silly, but to me, an old friend is like a favourite sweater.  Slipping back into those friendships has made me feel wrapped in a familiar feeling of cozy warmth and comfort.  I’ve had the chance to laugh and remember times from high school and university and beyond, and I’ve got caught up on the recent events in the lives of my friends and their families.  Most importantly, many of my friends and I have made promises to each other that we will make the effort to stay in touch.  We have all agreed that it is well worth it.

I’m reminded of a rhyme that the mother of one of my earliest chilhood friends wrote in my autograph book when I was six or seven years old.  It read:   “Make new friends but keep the old.  The new are silver, but the old are gold”    Good advice!

Going on a vacation is easier than you think

Wow!

This morning, like every Sunday morning, I drove my kids to work.  It’s a short drive; only about 15 minutes from our house.  I always bring Gus along for the ride, and then we usually come back home and head out for our walk.  Today as we drove along the street, I was looking at the familiar scenery.  It suddenly occurred to me that Gus and I didn’t have to come home first; we could go walking in this other neighbourhood for a change.  I definitely wasn’t prepared for the experience that we ended up having.

As you can see, I was snapping pictures the whole time we were out, because I was awestruck by the beautiful scenery.  I have driven by this pond and the surrounding neighbourhood for years, and yet rarely ventured out of my car to walk around.  How foolish of me.  I can’t believe what I’ve been missing.  I only had my Blackberry for a camera, but I hope you can get a taste of some of the spectacular scenes we encountered during our 90 minute walk.

Berries growing by the pond

Ducks on the pond

These are some of the images we came across this morning.

Gus was quite mesmerized by the whole experience as well.  At first, he was wary of the new environment, because there were so many different sights, sounds and smells.  Then he relaxed and began to explore along with me.  He was particularly intrigued with all the ducks that swam over to check him out.

Gus checking out the ducks

After a while we left the pond and began to explore the rest of the neighbourhood.  It amazed me that I have driven through these streets so many times, and yet I’ve never really taken the time to get out and go walking around.  It is really beautiful.  There is a historic area, and a beautiful path that leads through the woods to a restored house from an early settler.

The path leading to the historic house

We peeked in the windows of the old house, and then we continued through the woods until we came to a clearing.

The clearing

Gus had a great run through the open space, and then we found ourselves in a residential area.  We had a lovely walk through the streets, and said “good morning” to so many new people and dogs we encountered out walking.  After a while, we turned back to the area near where we had started.  There is an old church there, and people were starting to arrive for morning mass.  Just at that point, the church bells started to ring.  I remember hearing that they have a professional bellringer there, and that the music on a Sunday morning is quite remarkable.  I have to agree.  As we walked by, the bells began to play “Danny Boy” – it made me feel like we were in a movie, or in some foreign country.  It was truly magical.

The old church

We continued on our way, past the area where they always re-enact battles during the Thornhill Village Festival.  We paused by the wall to admire the view.

By the old stone wall

Then we turned back towards where we had left the car.  I remembered that there was a big park in the other direction, and it was such a beautiful morning that I was in no hurry to head home.  So off we went.  I’ve been in that park before, but it somehow looked different in the morning sun.  Gus had a great time tearing through the trees, and he found the best stick ever!

Eventually I decided that it was time to head for home.  We made our way back to the car and, only 15 minutes later, we were back in our own driveway.  I couldn’t believe it.  I really felt as though we had been away on a holiday, in some place far from home.

Is it possible that, right under your nose, there are incredible places that you pass by all the time without noticing?  We always yearn for a break or a vacation away from home, and yet that isn’t always an easy thing to arrange.  After my experience this morning, I have promised myself to really open up my eyes to everything that’s right in my own backyard, and to go exploring like this at least once every week.  I’m pretty sure that Gus will be happy to come along with me for the adventure!

The day can be whatever you choose it to be

I’m always amazed to see it.  Over the last few weeks, the fall mornings have become darker, colder, windier, and wetter.  At six o’clock, when I stagger downstairs to make my morning coffee, it takes so much effort  just to shake myself awake and think about the day ahead.  As I look outside into the dark and drizzly yard, I have been feeling an overwhelming urge to crawl back upstairs and snuggle under the covers, where it is still warm and cozy.  Then I look over at Gus.

At this point, he has also made his way downstairs after slowly rousing from his own cozy bed.  He always takes his time, and stretches and yawns before gradually getting up.  Here is where the difference between us ends. While I am still fumbling with the coffee, Gus always goes and stands by the back door.  He will wait there patiently until I let him out.  When the door is finally opened, he explodes out into the yard, like a shot from a cannon.  He lets out a yelp of joy, and then he proceeds to tear around the yard at top speed.  If he finds a toy he’s left lying there, he will pick it up and shake it back and forth for a bit.  Then he will drop it and run wildly again, until he has checked out every corner of his space.  The whole time he is doing this, his tail is wagging like crazy, and you can see by his behaviour that he is just so completely happy! This routine is the same every day, no matter what the weather is like. When he eventually comes into the house after his morning ritual, he is always in such a great mood, and it inevitably rubs off on the rest of us.

Yesterday, as I watched this display, I thought about how Gus perceives the morning.  He doesn’t focus on the darkness, the rain, or the chill in the air.  He is just so happy to be in a place he loves, out in the fresh air and in the freedom of the yard.  He is so full of positive energy, and it often seems to be in defiance of the atmosphere around him.  It made me stop and think.

By 7:30, as I drove through the grey drizzle on my way to work, I had made a decision.  I was on my way to give a three hour lecture on connective tissues on a dreary Friday morning.  It was the end of a long and stressful week for my students.  I knew that things had the potential to be pretty low energy when I walked into the room. It suddenly hit me how I had a the ability to choose the energy that I brought into that classroom. So here’s what I did.

I walked in and said my usual “Good Morning” to the class.  Then I announced that, despite it being a miserable, rainy, grey Friday, we were not going to let it get to us.  I told the students that we were going to shift the energy, and we were going to do so by focusing on what was positive about the day.  We went around the room and, starting with myself, each person took a turn and completed the sentence “I feel good about _____________” by sharing some small thing they were happy about.  The comments ran the gamut, from simply being happy to be there, to looking forward to specific events, or to seeing friends and family on the weekend.  It didn’t really matter.  What happened, though, was quite remarkable.  Within a few short minutes, the room full of students was buzzing and laughing, and almost everyone was smiling, as we all shared our positive comments.  As a group, we had chosen to shift the focus of the day and, along with it, the energy in the room.

That positive energy stayed with us throughout the whole three hour class.  In fact, for one of the most boring lectures I have to teach, it was actually a lot more fun than usual.  I was struck by how differently things had turned out from how they might have been, if I had just walked in and made some comment about the crummy weather, and then started into my lecture.

I guess the lesson for me was that we really do have the power to choose how we want each day to begin, despite what the weather is outside.  Even more striking was the realization of how great the impact of my choice was on so many other people around me.  It was kind of exciting and scary at the same time.    Now all I have to do is remind myself of this each morning, when I’m tired and fumbling about in the dark, trying to get my coffee going.  I’m lucky though, because all I will need to do is look out in the yard and see Gus racing happily about, and it will all come back to me.

Bring home the big stick

You might have seen us one day.  Very often on our walk, Gus will discover a stick lying by the path, and he’ll decide to carry it home.  Now, this probably doesn’t seem unusual.   Most dogs will pick up sticks.  But most dogs don’t go after the kind of sticks that Gus does.  As you can see from the photo above, the sticks that Gus brings home are often bigger than he is.  Sometimes we even have trouble on the sidewalk because his stick takes up so much space!

It’s not uncommon for people walking or driving by us to honk, laugh, and give Gus the thumbs up sign as he proudly marches home with his trophy.  It’s quite a sight to see.

I’ve always said that I would do well to have the kind of confidence that Gus does.  When he comes upon a giant stick lying there, you can just see him considering it, and sizing it up.  Then, without hesitation, he will pick it up and position it in his mouth for the long walk home.  He never seems to even entertain the notion that he won’t be able to manage it.  Occasionally I have even tried to discourage him, saying “no Gus, that one’s too big!”  But he will always forge ahead; often wrestling with the largest sticks until he can get a good grip on them.  His behaviour shows that he doesn’t even consider the possibility that he won’t be successful.

You probably think that I’m crazy for letting him carry all this wood home.  Take a look below, and you’ll see what he accumulated during a couple of weeks last fall.  I guess I just feel that, since he’s so confident and determined, he’s entitled to have the reward of carrying his treasures home.

When you are setting goals for yourself, do you reach high and go after the biggest stick?  If you’re like me, you often hesitate and feel limited by all the reasons why the goal will be challenging to achieve.  Can I really do it?  Am I qualified enough?  Will people listen to me?  This would be like Gus looking at a stick, and hesitating while thinking, “Is it too big?  Will it hurt my mouth?  Will I bump into things on the way home  with it?”  When we focus on the obstacles in our path, then we have a tendency to trip over those obstacles, and allow them to get in the way of achieving our goals.  Or perhaps they make us worry too much, and cause us to drop our standards and set our sights on some easier goal.  It’s like settling for a smaller stick because you feel that it will just be easier to manage.

If, like Gus, we refuse to think that way, and we just know that we can carry home that big stick, then we don’t even see any obstacles, and our actions will surely lead us to be successful.  If you don’t believe me, just take a look on my front porch!

After I finished posting this, I came upon this quote that I think is quite relevant – I think you’ll agree.

“The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.” — Michaelangelo

When it’s over, it’s over; move on

l wish I could be more like Gus.  No,  don’t want to be able to run on all fours or lift my leg to pee, I just wish that I  was able to handle some situations the way he does.

Take yesterday, for example.  We started out in the field as usual.  It was a beautiful morning, and we were having a great time with some new friends.  Unfortunately, there were two separate incidents when I had to apologize and we had to change course, because Gus wouldn’t give up a ball that belonged to another dog.  I’ve written about this before.  He just gets so worked up and has to run after that ball, no matter who it belongs to.  He even jumped up on a very nice man, who had been throwing the ball for him, when he tried to put the ball away out of sight.  I really felt awful.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish that I could forget all my manners and act crazy from time to time.  What I wish is that I was better at letting things go once they’re over.

We left the field and the balls behind, and Gus trotted along happily, as if nothing had ever happened.  It wasn’t so easy for me to get over how I was feeling.  I kept on walking, as I tried to shake off my frustration with Gus’s behaviour.  The next thing I knew, we had been out for two and a half hours!  It wasn’t a total loss, because it was a gorgeous day, and we both got a ton of exercise.  Gus behaved great for the rest of the walk, and we ended up in a beautiful ravine. We met lots of people who commented on how wonderful he was, but  I still kept thinking about his earlier bratty behaviour. When we finally got home, the first thing I did was to explode in frustration about what had happened.  This was after two and a half hours of trying to walk it off!!

Dogs have this incredible ability to live in the moment.  I’m not sure if it’s a survival skill, but their focus tends to be limited to what’s right in front of them at that particular instant.  I remember when Gus was a puppy and we took him to classes.  We were told that we had to reward his good behaviour immediately after it happened, or else he wouldn’t associate the treat with what he had done.  The same went for correcting problem behaviour.  We learned that if we hesitated for a minute before corrrecting something he had done, it would confuse him because he would have already moved on to something else.  The moment would have passed.

I’ve seen this play out in other circumstances as well.  I’ve learned over the years that the dogs in the field tend to sort out their differences among themselves.  If one dog is annoying another, or takes a ball that belongs to someone else, the ensuing “vocal” behaviour tends to make it clear what the issue is, and the situation usually resolves pretty quickly.  Usually after “speaking his mind” in this way, Gus will go right up to the other dog and begin licking it affectionately; as if to say, “Hey, we’re okay with each other, right?”  No hard feelings, no grudges.  On to the next game of tag.

This is what I really wish I was better at.  I don’t hold grudges, but as you can see from what happened, I tend to hang on to things long after they’re over.  I don’t really know why I’m this way.  I just tend to feel things quite deeply, so it often takes a me a while before I can shake something off and move on.  I have made a personal commitment to work at being more like Gus, and to learn how to let things go, especially if they really aren’t that serious.

This morning on our walk we ran into one of the people from yesterday in the field.  I apologized again, and told her how frustrated I had been with Gus’s behaviour.  She looked at me like I was crazy, and told me that it really wasn’t any big deal.  Gus was right again – it was definitely over.  And on we went. . .

Oh, what a beautiful morning!

With my apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein. . .

This is the first thing that Gus and I saw as we headed into the park beside our house this morning.  I just had to stop and try to capture it.  It is a perfect fall day.  Crisp, clear, and cool, with a stunning blue sky and blazing bright sun.  I know this is really corny, but the words to that song from Oklahoma just jumped into my head!  I really don’t have much to say today, except for this:  GET OUTSIDE AND ENJOY THIS INCREDIBLE DAY!!!!!!!!

There’s something about this time of year that always makes me feel so good.  Gus felt it as well.  He was so happy to be out in the park,  I could hardly get him to sit still for a photo.

Take my word for it, when there is a day like today, you just have to get out there and enjoy it.  Everyone we met seemed to be in a great mood.  We had the most wonderful, mind-clearing, soul-refreshing walk.  Whatever you have planned for today, make some time to get out there and soak it up!

Enjoy!

Watch out – they can really sneak up on you!

Uh oh.  I can’t believe it.  Today on our walk, Gus and I took a route that takes us past our vet’s office.  We often go that way just for a change of scenery, and also because we really love Dr. Sermer and her wonderful team, Amber and Sharon.  There’s always a friendly cuddle and a treat for Gus, and we usually have a little visit if they’re not too busy.  I also tend to take advantage of the opportunity to pop Gus on the scale while we’re there, to check his weight.  Today I did that, and I discovered that Gus had gained almost 4 pounds!!!! He’s actually nudged past the upper limit of where his weight should be.  I was horrified.

I feel like such a terrible mother.  How could I let this happen to my baby?

The truth is, if you’re not careful, it doesn’t take much for a few extra pounds to sneak up when you’re not looking.  I should know – I work with this stuff for a living!  I tell my students and clients that the secret to keeping a healthy weight is ridiculously simple:  You have to balance your energy in, and your energy out.  And, you need to get on the scale to check up on things on a regular basis.

So, what happened with Gus?  Well, because of everything that’s been going on, it has been a few months since I last checked his weight.  I think that we’ve just been getting a bit too casual measuring out his food every day.  We tend to eyeball the amount, and I think that we’ve just been gradually feeding him a bit too much, and that’s become the norm.  We didn’t catch it until he gained this much because it has been a much longer time than usual since I last checked it.

Of course, we’ll have to keep an eye on those bits of food that Gus “focuses” on at the table.  As I wrote, he does get mostly vegetables from us, but everything counts!  I guess that’s the other part of the message.  When you think about the “energy in” side of the equation, then you have to look at all the sources of energy – and be aware of those things that you’re not taking into account.  I remember thinking that the leftover bits of food I finished off my children’s plates didn’t count, and the same for any food eaten quickly, while standing over the sink!  But nope, as far as your body is concerned, it all adds up.

Then there’s the other side of things.  “Energy out” refers to all the energy you burn up, through daily activities and exercise.  If you’re trying to inch the scale down, then you can turbo charge things by simply becoming more active.  Of course, intense sessions at the gym are great, but research does show that multiple, shorter bursts of activity throughout the day are just as effective.  Personally, I look for any chance at all to simply MOVE when I can throughout the day.  Just like the nibbles and snacks, any type of activity counts, and is just plain better than sitting on your rear! It all adds up too, in a positive way.

Gus has no trouble with the energy out part.  He gets close to 2 hours of exercise a day, and he runs at full speed for a lot of that time.  In fact, if we’d let him, he’d run after a ball or frizbee until he dropped.

No, I think what happened was just a combination of getting a bit sloppy with his food and treats, and not monitoring it for a while.  In the past, I’ve caught it if he’s put on a pound here and there, and we’ve known that we have to watch out.  This time, I just let it go too long before checking up.

I’ve maintained a steady weight myself for many years now, and I’m convinced that one of the main reasons is the fact that I hop on the scale regularly.  I do eat really well, but I love food and I love eating!  I’m not obsessed with my weight, but I’ve been amazed at how quickly it can add up, especially as I’m approaching the magic “50.”  I’m always glad to keep an eye on things, and to catch it when it’s just an extra pound or two.  I always say that it’s a lot easier to prevent it than to lose it.

So, what about Gus?  Well, I’m actually not that worried.  I know that if we just pay a bit closer attention to the quantities we feed him, and keep him as active as he is, he’ll drop those few pounds in no time.  We’ll pop by the vet’s more often to make sure things are going in the right direction.  In the meantime, there’s just a bit more of him to love!

What you focus on is what will come to you

We call it the tractor beam.  If you’ve ever seen the old Star Trek series, you’ll know exactly what I mean.  Whenever we are eating, Gus will join us in the kitchen.  He’s very quiet about it, but his strategy is clear and consistent  As you can see from the photos above and below, he will fix his gaze intently on whatever food he is interested in.  His eyes never waver.  They will follow that food from plate to hand or fork, to mouth; without so much as blinking or looking away for a second.  His focus is absolute, and his mission is crystal clear.

Okay, I know all you dog people who listened to your trainers are aghast by now, as you’re anticipating what’s coming next.  One of the cardinal rules of dog ownership and good manners is “no table feeding.”  Well, I’m sorry to confess this, but we’re not so good about that one!  Gus’s persistence is usually rewarded with a small bite of whatever he has been staring at.  Hey, as a family, we believe that sharing is a good thing! And don’t worry, we are pretty healthy eaters, so what he gets is mostly fruit and vegetables, or the odd bit of toast with peanut butter or smoked salmon.

Gus has totally figured out that if he concentrates hard enough, whatever he fixes his gaze on will eventually end up right where he wants it – in his mouth.  What a smart guy!

Now, neither Gus nor I can take credit for figuring out the “secret” here.  In fact, some other people have written about this “law of attraction,” and they even made a video that has made millions of dollars.  It all comes down to a very simple rule:  whatever you focus on is what will come to you.

This rule has been given many different names over the years, and it can be applied to everything from table scraps to relationships to finances.  Despite a lot of hype and marketing, it’s really not rocket science.  If there is something you want, focus all of your time and energy on that thing, and eventually you will have it.

I did watch that famous video a few years ago, and, while it has a good message, I feel that it over-dramatized the concept.  It’s not as though things will just magically appear at your door because you conjure them up in your wishes.  What happens is that, by focusing on what you want and making it your priority, you start to act and think differently.

At minimum, by focusing like this, you begin to devote a significant amount of your time and energy towards that goal.  This effort alone tends to go a long way towards helping you reach it.  Just the other day I was saying to Josh that if what he really wants is a high mark in math, then I should see him working on math most of the time, instead of playing the guitar. At the college where I teach, I tell my students all the time that they are actively choosing the mark they want in my course by how much time and effort they are putting into working on it outside of class.

In addition, what I have found is that, when you are really focusing on something, you start to recognize opportunities that are right in front of you; things that you otherwise wouldn’t have noticed.  If you are in this goal-oriented mindset, you begin to take advantage of these opportunities, and that’s where things really get rolling!  A while back, when I was chatting in the park about my blog and all the inspiration I get when I am out with Gus, one of my friends commented, “you must have more interesting walks than I do!”  I don’t think that’s the case at all.  I just think that, because I am in this mode where I am focusing on what’s going on around me all the time, these ideas jump out at me from my everyday interactions.

So, what do you make of all this?  Whatever you choose to.  But the next time you are moaning about something you want, stop and remember Gus with his eyes on that bagel.  Ask yourself, “how much of my energy am I really focusing on this goal, and what am I actually doing to make it happen?”  You might be surprised at how much power you have to bring it within reach.

Lean into the wind

They’re here.  Those blustery days when we know that summer is most definitely behind us, and fall has truly arrived.  These are the days when you look out the window and see branches bending and swaying, and leaves flying off the trees and blowing wildly down the street.  The howl of the autumn wind can even be heard from inside the house.

For many, this is a time to begin the retreat indoors.  In Canada, a great number of people disappear from October to May, in order to avoid the wind and the cold, and everything else that gets thrown at us during our extended fall and winter.  If you do see these souls outside during this time, you will find them scurrying quickly from house to car, and back. Their faces are hidden under tightly gathered hoods and scarves; their heads ducked down to avoid the fury of the wind. When forced to be outside for any length of time, these folks will usually find a corner, and huddle with their backs to the wind, as if hoping that the forces of nature will somehow blow past them, and leave them alone.

Life with Gus means that behaviour like this is simply not an option.  Out we go every day, no matter how hard the wind is blowing.  It’s not just that he doesn’t seem to mind it; Gus loves to be outside on a cool and windy day.  The picture above was taken out in the field on the day I wrote about “slobbery balls.”  Gus didn’t stand still long enough for a good photo, so this is a great shot of Watson, doing what Gus often does out in the wind.

As you can see, there’s certainly no ducking or huddling going on here.  Like Watson, Gus will sit or stand tall, and actually lean into the wind with his face turned up.  Look how he’s  enjoying the feeling, as it blows through him; ruffling his fur.

Since I’ve noticed Gus and other dogs doing this, I’ve begun to try the same thing myself when I’m out in the middle of the field.  Of course, you have to be dressed properly, and be active enough to be warm on the inside.  If you are, and you try this, you will experience an exhilarating feeling as you lean into the full force of the wind; meeting it head on. You can almost imagine that you are a kite or a sail; feeling the lifting power and the promise of flight.

There’s an interesting analogy here that struck me the other day.  The wind can be compared to our life’s problems and challenges.  There’s no question that there’s always a wind of some sort in the air for us to deal with. When things are going well, we may only feel the gentle breeze of everyday challenges blowing softly by.  We scarcely feel our hair mussed, and we carry on with little concern.  But sometimes, when we are facing major issues and problems, we may find ourselves feeling like we are on the top of a hill, being buffeted by gale force winds.  It’s the wild, unpredictable nature of many challenges we face that leaves us feeling as though we are being tossed about, like a leaf at the mercy of the autumn wind.  Our inclination is to draw our hood around us and huddle; hoping that we can ride out the storm and be spared from its fury.

Research confirms that those who cope best with life’s stresses are the ones who, like Gus and Watson, choose to stand tall and meet the wind head on; leaning into its full force.  Rather than huddling like victims, those who sit up and take control of their situation tend to not only cope more effectively, but they often even emerge in better shape at the end of the ordeal.  When we are handed a challenge, there’s no question that we often feel broadsided, and blown off our feet by the force of events.  However, if we stop and collect ourselves, we find that there is always some element in every situation that we can take control of.

The next time you find yourself in a gale, stand tall and lean head first into that wind.  It will give you an exhilarating feeling of power and control.  If you manage to find a way to fashion a sail, you’ll do even better.  You might even harness the power of that wind and find that you can use it to carry you aloft.

It all evens out in the end

It’s kind of interesting, the way things work out.  On most days, Gus will bring a ball along as we head out for our walk.  He has quite a collection to choose from, and he will often deliberate for some time before selecting just the right one.  Off he will trot happily, with his ball in his mouth.

Throughout the course of our walk, Gus will stop and sniff here and there, and of course he will leave a little reminder of where he has been.  He usually drops his ball while he does this, but he is diligent about going back to pick it up before we move on.  However, there have been many days when we will be halfway across the field and I’ll suddenly realize that he no longer has his ball in his mouth.  I used to get stressed and circle back to find it, often taking 15 minutes or so to search for it in the field.  Then, one day I realized that Gus couldn’t seem to care less.  It was as if he had suddenly lost interest in that particular ball, and had happily abandoned it in the field.

So here’s the interesting part.  What I have found is that on those days, more often than not, we always seem to find a new ball in the field to compensate for the lost one.

It’s almost as if Gus knows that it’s no big deal to leave the old ball behind, because he is confident that a new one will be waiting somewhere ahead, along the way.  He is always thrilled with the new ball, even if it is rattier and more destroyed than the old abandoned one.

So what’s the point here?  It seems to me that Gus knows a bit about the laws of the universe.  In one of my chemistry lectures, I teach about a particular phenomenon in which the total amount of matter in the universe stays constant.  Under normal conditions, there are no atoms of anything created or destroyed;  they are just “recycled” into different configurations through a whole host of chemical reactions.  In other words, everything around us will always be there; it just might be found in a different place, or in a slightly different form.

Maybe Gus knows that a lost ball will be replaced with a found ball, in order to keep the state of the universe constant.  Perhaps that’s why he doesn’t seem to stress when his ball goes missing.  He understands that things will even out in the end.

I have to agree that this philosophy can make life a lot less stressful, and it can smooth out a lot of issues between people as well.  In all of our personal relationships, there is an ongoing saga of give and take.   This is ultimately how we care for one another, and how we show the people close to us that we are there for them when they need us.  Perhaps it’s as simple as who’s buying the coffee today.  Or maybe it’s more involved; as in running each other’s errands, or taking the time to sit and listen patiently while a dear friend pours out their troubles for a whole evening.

In the strongest relationships, there is no counting of pennies, and no running tally of who owes what to whom.  We just know that, over the course of our lives, we will each pick up the tab the same number of times, and we will be the one to lean on just as often as we will need the strong shoulders of those dear to us.  Running a tab takes the focus away from what true friendship is all about.  Of course there will be countless cups of coffee to pay for, and we each will cover our share over time.  With our close friends and family, we know that there are times when we need to sit back and accept assistance and support, and we can do so gratefully, confident that we will surely have the chance to return the kindness at some time down the road.  It’s what makes the universe work best.

You don’t have to be best friends with everyone

Today Gus came with me for an outing to the hairdresser’s.  I love going to Uta’s because she’s local, she does a great job cutting my hair, she’s always full of fascinating information, and she’s a dog person, so I get to bring Gus along.  I always call first, to make sure there isn’t a client there who’s afraid of big dogs, and usually it’s not a problem.  It’s good for Gus to get out to see new and different places, and now that I’ve trained him to not eat the hair cuttings off the floor anymore, it’s all good!

Today when we arrived, Uta’s dog Fluffy was waiting at the door.  As any normal dog would do, Fluffy began to bark when Gus and I approached.  The two dogs greeted each other with all the usual sniffing, and I sat down to have my hair washed.  Now you can see from the photo above that Fluffy is significantly smaller than Gus.  According to Uta, he basically just isn’t that fond of large dogs.  I don’t know, maybe he views himself as the official greeter of the salon, and he resented the presence of this rather large slobbery dog who was busy saying hi to the other client in the room.  Whatever the reason, Fluffy wasn’t too impressed with Gus, and he let him know it by barking quite a lot.

After several stern comments and requests to be quiet, Fluffy was rather unceremoniously removed from the salon. He continued to bark from another room.  Uta and I then resorted to bribery.  We brought Fluffy back in and I gave the two dogs some tasty treats together – the hope was that Fluffy would think that the treat was from Gus, and change his point of view.  No such luck.  He just wasn’t impressed, and he wasn’t about to let this big dog hang out in his space without letting him know it.

Eventually, after deciding that he’d made his point, Fluffy finally calmed down, and the two dogs settled into a somewhat peaceful co-existence while Uta finished up my hair.  Before I left, we tried to get the two guys to sit nicely beside each other for a picture, and you can see the hilarious result above.  I think the uncomfortable expression on Gus’s face, and Fluffy’s “I’m ignoring you” look say it all.

Let’s face it, there are lots of dogs and lots of people in this world of ours.  Just because we throw two individuals together, we can’t expect that they will automatically become best friends simply because we think it’s a good idea.  I’m reminded of when my kids were little and I’d arrange “play dates” for them.  If I met another new mom and we’d really hit it off, we’d try and get our kids together as well.  Often this would turn out great, but sometimes it just didn’t work out.  I truly believe that there is a sort of chemistry that exists between certain people and between dogs as well.  It’s easy to see when a natural, comfortable friendship is developing, and it’s just as easy to tell when things simply don’t jive – like today.

The natural inclination is to feel embarrassed and awkward when people (or dogs) we think should hit it off just aren’t interested in each other.  But really, what’s the big deal?  We can’t take it personally if they just don’t have as much in common as we think they should.  As long as there are no hard feelings and everyone is amicable, it’s okay to have new acquaintances who don’t turn out to be lifelong friends.  I learned a long time ago not to meddle in my kids’ friendships.  They are excellent judges of who they relate best to, and they have all done fine choosing their own social circles without my help.

Likewise, I don’t get hung up worrying that all of my different friends are friends with each other as well.  I am lucky to have a diverse group of special people in my life, and they come from many different realms.  Each one is unique and dear to me, but I don’t usually bring them all together and expect them to hang out as a big social group.  They are just different people.

As for Gus and Fluffy; well, I do plan to bring Gus along again the next time I go for a haircut.  Maybe they’ll get along better in five weeks, or maybe they won’t.  I’ts all ok with me.

Everyone can manage just fine if you let them

There have been a lot of firsts over the past few months.  This weekend Jeff and I went to Winnipeg to visit his parents, and we left Josh and Sarah home alone (with Gus of course) for the first time.  Don’t worry, the picture above was taken a few years ago.  Now they are 17 and 14 respectively, so you’re probably thinking “what’s the big deal?”  You’re quite right.  It actually wasn’t a big deal.  And that’s the whole point.

It’s quite something to suddenly realize that your kids are old enough and independent enough to manage quite fine without you.  With the exception of driving (thanks to those who helped out), they took care of everything that needed to happen for the past few days.  In fact, as you’re probably not surprised to hear, our biggest concern was Gus.  Our kids know us too well, and they have us pegged.  As we rolled onto the highway towards the airport on Friday, 5 minutes after leaving home, a text message came through on Jeff’s phone.  It was from the kids and it read:  “Gus is fine.”  Busted!!  We had a good laugh and off we went.

When we got in today we were greeted warmly by the kids and crazily by our enthusiastic doodle.  He was overjoyed to see us, and otherwise he seemed just like his usual self.  I’m quite sure that he was properly walked and fed, and I know that Sarah slept in our room so he could take up his normal post at the foot of our bed.  In fact, unlike the last time we went away, we didn’t leave a single instruction in writing.  The kids are active participants in Gus’s daily routine, and they knew exactly what to do.  To be honest, the ease of our departure was a rather liberating experience.  We even did our best not to call too often from Winnipeg.

I am really proud of my kids.  Thank you, Josh and Sarah, for doing such a great job!  Now, about that empty keg in the backyard. . .

Slobbery balls are like other people’s babies

Okay, now you think I’ve completely lost the plot!  Don’t worry, this blog remains G-rated.  It’s just that sometimes you need a break from being all philosophical and serious, and sometimes things just strike you in a funny way.  So, here goes:

Yesterday as Gus and I headed towards the field, we ran into Tami and her son Adam, with their dog Watson.  They are long-time friends from the neighbourhood.  In fact, if you check out the post “Simple words; serious power“  you’ll see Watson in the picture with Gus when he was just a puppy.  We had a great walk through the fields together.  Gus, of course, was carrying a tennis ball in his mouth, and I stopped from time to time to throw it for him.  Watson wasn’t interested in the ball at all.  He was content to sit and feel the wind in his face (to be discussed in an upcoming post), and to watch his rather goofy friend run like crazy.

Now, I’ll confess that I’m pretty awful at throwing a ball.  I have improved dramatically over the past 3 years, but I have received quite the abuse for my throwing skills.  Adam took pity on me and offered to throw the ball for Gus, so he could have the chance to really run for it.  It was then that I realized that this meant that Adam would actually have to touch this ball!  Pardon me for being so gross, but by this point, Gus’s ball was completely covered in dog slobber and slime.  It’s just what happens to a tennis ball in the mouth of a thirsty, slobbering dog!  I thanked Adam, and told him it was ok – Gus was used to my rather lame throwing.  But Adam is true hero.  He picked up that disgusting ball and he threw it!  In fact, he kept on throwing it over and over again.  Gus was in heaven.

While this was going on, Tami and I were chatting.  We both remarked how there are some things in life that change for you under different circumstances.  I remembered a time before I had kids.  Now, I always loved babies, and would hold and cuddle them at any chance.  But there were certain things that I was happy to deal with only minimally until I had babies of my own.  Somehow all that yucky stuff like drool and diapers seems revolting when it’s associated with other people’s babies, yet when it comes out of your own kids, you just take it in stride and it doesn’t seem to bother you at all.  Maybe it’s parenthood.  It just seems like we all develop stronger stomachs and greater tolerance for a lot of stuff when our own kids are handed to us.

I guess touching a slobbery dog ball fits into the same category.  For most people, the idea of having anything to do at all with dog slobber is disgusting.  Now, slobber from someone else’s dog – that’s really gross!  Adam, I’ve got to hand it to you;  you are a true friend.   I know you’re too young to think this is a good thing, but I have a feeling that you’ll make a wonderful father some day!!

Whose path is it anyways?

It’s one of the ongoing issues faced by every neighbourhood dog owner.  Dogs need space to run and walk every day, and many of the handiest places are public parks and pathways.  Finding the perfect balance between people and pets requires cooperation and compromise, and occasionally it generates a bit of tension.

This morning Gus and I ended up on the path in the park near our house.  As it was a lazy Sunday morning, we were lucky enough to meet up with a few of our friends that we don’t see every day, due to our varying schedules.  Gus was ecstatic to run with Lucy, Phoenix and Skye, and I was delighted to have a chance to catch up with Shelley, Celine and Mary Lou.  All in all, it was a lovely social event; one of the moments when I really appreciate just how important all my dog-friends are in my life.

As you can see from the photo above, we created quite a presence on the pathway.  During the time we humans were chatting, the dogs alternated between running insanely among the trees, chilling at our feet, and generally just milling about in the general area.  Several people walked by us, and most of them greeted us warmly and smiled at the dogs.

At one point, however; a man approached on the path.  I didn’t know him, but didn’t think anything of it.  Gus, in his usual friendly manner, ran up to say a rather slobbery “hello.”  It was then that I realized that this man was definitely not a dog person.  He scowled at the dogs and grumbled as he walked by, and he pulled his hand away where Gus had touched him, as if he had been burned.  I think he also muttered “s–t!” rather loudly as he glared at Gus.

What followed was a rather lively discussion about who had the right to be on the path, and who should have given way at that particular moment.  We weighed the relative merits of municipal bylaws requiring dogs to be on leash, versus the generally accepted neighbourly understanding that exists in our park. Everyone had their own opinion on the situation.

So whose path is it?  When push comes to shove, I tend to defer to the law.  If there is a sign that says that dogs need to be on leash, then I will err on the side of caution.  After all, who wants to pay a fine?  I admit that most of the time I do let Gus run free, and he usually doesn’t bother anyone.  When I see someone who looks a bit apprehensive, I will always clip on his leash as a sign of respect.  He is a lot of dog, and if you don’t know his sweet and goofy nature, he can be a bit intimidating from a distance. I don’t want to upset anyone in the community.

In many areas of our lives we have to deal with “turf” issues.  It starts when we are toddlers and we have to learn how to share our toys.  We move on to the playground, the high school cafeteria, and finally the office, where we have to learn to manage the lines that separate our own sphere of responsibility from that of our co-workers.  In fact, these issues even spill over into family dynamics, where well-meaning siblings sometimes upset one another by overstepping unwritten boundaries without intending to.

The one thing in common with all of these situations is that there is rarely a clear answer to the question of whose turf is whose.  Even if there is, as with the bylaws in the park, reality often causes the lines to be blurred by other factors.  We are influenced by the heat of the moment, by history, by emotions or pride.  Sometimes we are able to step back off the path and let the non-dog person walk freely by, and at other times we feel compelled to stake our claim; even when we know it’s not really the right thing to do.

There’s harmony in our park every day because we all usually manage to figure it out. We have managed to work together to come to a mutual understanding, and a kind of balance in which everyone’s rights are respected for the most part.  As for those moments like this morning when the lines get crossed;  I hope that man won’t hold it against me or Gus.   After all, he only wanted to say hello!

A few good pictures are worth a thousand crummy words

As you may have gathered, I’ve had a pretty exhausting few weeks.  I’ve done my best to keep blogging through everything, and I am so grateful for all the feedback and support I have received.  Your comments have made me feel that what I am doing is worthwhile, and that I should continue with what I committed to.

I find myself completely exhausted this weekend – I think everything just caught up with me.  When I first decided to start blogging, my one concern was that I didn’t want to post anything that wasn’t worth reading.  I promised myself that I wouldn’t write garbage just for the sake of having a post to publish.

So, as I sit here yawning, realizing that it has been a few days since I posted, and trying to string together something of interest, I came to the conclusion that I’d take a little break. Today I’m going to give you something to look at instead.  Here are a few of my favourite photos of Gus – they always make me smile.  Enjoy!

The power of touch

This is one of my all time favourite pictures.  It shows the strength of the bond that Gus and Sarah share, and it projects beautifully the warmth and easy comfort between them.

There’s a joke in our family that our household productivity plummeted when Gus came into our lives.  None of us can walk by him without stopping for a snuggle, a belly rub or even a simple pat.  I’ll often walk into a room to find one of the kids wrapped around him, asleep on the floor.  There’s no question that he is our living stuffed animal.  He’s like a blankie for all of us.  I’ll often sit with Gus in my lap, and just run my hands through his coat as a way to calm myself down. During these past weeks of great stress I have often buried my hands and face in his fur and had a good cry – it really helped.

There is a huge body of research on the power of touch.  In terms of known benefits, it reduces stress, boosts the immune system, decreases pain, calms the mind and lifts the mood.  I teach at a massage therapy college, so I guess I should know!

Yesterday I returned to work at the college after almost two weeks absence.  I was bombarded all day by my wonderful students wishing me well and expressing their concern for me after what I’ve been through.  As you’d expect from a bunch of future registered massage therapists, they are a very physical bunch.  I  received so many warm hugs and gentle touches – I was blown away by the energy of it all, and it made me feel so good.

As a society, we tend to keep pretty much to ourselves, and we are inclined to save touch for our pets, our partners, or specific people in certain situations.  After reflecting on what I’ve experienced and what I’ve just written, I’m making a personal commitment to relax a little and to hug a lot more.

Give back

When we were in the throes of deciding to get Gus, we struggled with the pros and cons, and the balance sheet associated with becoming dog owners.  Many of our well-meaning friends and family members cautioned us, and sternly advised us to fully understand what we were getting into.

The cost of the puppy himself became insignificant as we considered a lifetime of vet bills, pet insurance, food and accessories; not to mention the human cost in terms of time we would take from our already busy lives to devote to his ongoing care.  Many people told us we were crazy.  Of course, we went ahead anyways, and we have never looked back.

In the three and a half years since he became part of our family, Gus has given so much more than he has taken from us, no matter how we measure it.  His unconditional love, his enthusiastic greetings, his sunny and goofy disposition, his ability to connect with others in any situation, and his sweet and gentle presence when we need it are just a few examples of what he gives to us and to so many other people every day.  If it actually were possible to construct a balance sheet to evaluate Gus as an investment, I can tell you that we have come out way ahead.

The importance of giving to others is one of the basic principles that defines who I am.  Jeff and I share this philosophy, and we have tried to instill this in our children from a young age; doing our best to set an example through our own behaviour.  It is perhaps no coincidence that many of our closest friends and family members also give to others in so many ways.  Over the years we have helped support many different causes; some big and some very small, but all equally important.

This morning I received an email from my friend Debby Kaplan.  The subject was “I need your help.”  She outlined a project that her son Jordan has begun.  It is called “A Million Tweets to Remember” (1MTweets).  The website is http://1mtweets.com/   -the link above will take you directly there.

The following is taken from the email I received today:

This project is being launched today to coincide with World Alzheimer’s Day.  Its goal is to digitally memorialize one million people who have lived with Alzheimer’s disease by having their loved ones tweet about them.  Alzheimer’s robs people of their memories, so this movement is a powerful and poetic way to ensure we are remembering those who can no longer remember for themselves.  Everyone who tweets will be asked to donate a minimum of a buck to Alzheimer’s research.

Everyone has their own reasons for doing good and for giving to others.  Some are driven by religious obligation; many view it as a social responsibility that comes with being part of a civilized society.  Others don’t even give it that much thought – it is just a part of who they are.  Whatever your motivation, I encourage you to help me spread the word about this incredible project to support this worthy cause.  If you do so you will find what a mountain of research has confirmed:  doing good simply feels good.

Sunshine and a new puppy

Dogs need walking every day.  Every morning since Dad’s funeral,  I have dragged myself out the door, and Gus and I have spent our usual hour striding across the fields and through the neighbourhood together.  It has been good for me.  Using my body and breathing in the fresh air has helped me to feel better physically,  and, as usual, walking with Gus has given me the chance to process and reflect on the events of the past few days.

As you know, the weather this week has been beautiful.  I have stopped many times at the top of the hill and basked in the morning sunshine.  I have smelled the changes in the air and noticed the leaves beginning to turn colour and drop from the trees.  Fall is my favourite time of year, and it is arriving on schedule once again.

On my first day out this week, I felt a sense of  disbelief that everything could look so beautiful, when my world had been blown apart.  As we walked our route, I felt myself wanting to scream at the people strolling and driving by, to say, “don’t you know what has happened!”  Then I came to accept that, of course, they don’t.  I was hit by the realization that the rest of the world is continuing on as though nothing is different at all.

The gaping hole that my family is struggling with, and this sense of being thrown off balance are confined to our own tiny piece of this vast universe we all inhabit together.  I know for sure that, in a million other places on earth right now, there are countless others coping with a similar reality, and with so many other issues of so many different types.  And yet, through it all, the sun comes up each morning as it has every other day.  The earth revolves and life goes on, as it should.

Jewish tradition dictates that we observe a period of shiva, or mourning, when a loved one dies.  Since the funeral, my family has been at our parents’ house, receiving friends and relatives, and being comforted and supported by so many wonderful people who are part of our lives.  While the shiva traditionally lasts seven days, ours had to be cut short because the celebration of the New Year, Rosh HaShanah, began at sundown last night. The custom to mark the end of the shiva requires the family to leave the house together, and to walk around the block, symbolizing our re-entry into the rest of the community.

Yesterday morning as we all strolled quietly together up the street from Mom and Dad’s house, we noticed some neighbours outside.  They were welcoming home their brand new puppy.  She is so new that they haven’t even picked out a name for her yet.  As you can see from the photo above, I couldn’t resist taking her in my arms and snuggling her for a moment.  As I held her close, it suddenly occurred to me:  a new life, a new year, a new beginning. . .

To all my family and friends,  Shana Tova Umetukah

I wish you all a good and sweet New Year.

Tribute

My father was a big man.  And he took up a lot of space.   Right now, we are all trying to come to terms with how we will ever cope with all of the empty space he has left behind, now that he is gone.

His chair at the head of the table.  The corner spot on the family room sofa.  The chair on the front porch.  The driver’s seat behind the wheel of his Porsche.  The space he so often occupied in places like the balcony in this sanctuary, the Y, and the marina at the waterfront.

And of course, there is an enormous space he has left empty in every one of our hearts.

As I’ve been struggling to imagine how we will ever manage with all of this empty space, it occurred to me that I had it all wrong.   It’s like one of those optical illusion puzzles – if you look at it one way, it appears as though nothing’s there at all, but if you change your perspective and look again harder, suddenly a vivid and detailed 3-dimensional image jumps out at you.

Instead of focusing on the unbearable fact that he isn’t here anymore, our job is to shift the lens and to bring into clear perspective the rich and detailed images that are filling and overflowing out of all of that empty space.

Mickey Cooper was all about people.  His children and his grandchildren are living proof of all that he truly valued, and it is through our lives that everything good about him will live on.

He taught us all that the most important things in life aren’t things; and that it’s the relationships between people that matter the most.  Through my whole life I’ve watched him build and nurture relationships, and so much of who I am today is the result of those valuable lessons.

He found a way to forge a connection with everyone he met.  In the simplest of human interactions, he would always draw out some detail about the other person, and he would find a way to link their lives together, so that he became not just another customer, associate or patient.  He was even doing it in these last days while he was so sick in his hospital bed.

Late on Sunday night, as his new nurse was helping him get settled for the evening, he insisted that she look at his jacket hanging in the closet, because it had a logo on it from the country she was born in.

Our family is Dad’s greatest achievement.  He was so proud of us, and who we are, and he made sure that we all knew it; especially in these last weeks.  He told me that he was so happy about the way that we all pulled together around him and Mom during this tough time.  I let him know that we were simply following the lead that they had set for us for all our lives.

There were so many times when we all worried about him, and we struggled as we tried to protect him from knowing just how bad things really were.  In comparing notes over the past 24 hours, we have all come to feel that he knew all along, and that, through his actions as always, he was looking after all of us in so many ways.

He announced the other day that he was going to write a book about all of this once it was over.  And he was planning a party to show his thanks to all the special people who were so good to him and to us through his illness.

As he rallied last week, we all got a gift, and we had precious time again with Dad in his best form.  He held court in his hospital room; telling jokes to his grandchildren.  Without meaning to, he started up a competition of sorts.  We tried to outdo each other in showing our love for him, but we did it in his style and in the language he understood best.

Dad wasn’t one for flowery or sentimental speeches.  We all casually said “love you” every time we left him in the hospital, and he’d blow a kiss and say it right back.  But we truly told him how much we loved him as we bent over backwards to smuggle all of his favourite things into the intensive care unit.  Even on his worst days, he was jokingly handing out “stars” for our efforts:  rice pudding was trumped by chocolate ice cream, then a McDonald’s hamburger, a corned beef sandwich, chocolate cake, salami, and finally. . . kishka!

He rarely took any credit for his role in creating the family he was so proud of.  But  just the other day, in his inimitable style, he looked at Mom and I and he said: “I guess we must have done something right; there isn’t a loser in the bunch!”  Mom, you and Dad did everything right.  And you did it together.

It’s the next generation that carries forth the legacy that anyone leaves behind.  I’d like to close by reading you some excerpts from something that our children put together for Dad’s 75^th birthday, 4 years ago.  It says a lot about who he was, and the wonderful images and memories of him that we will all carry forth forever.  I think it reflects his unique sense of humour as well.

It’s called:   All I Really Need to Know I Learned from My Bumpa

The best part of any meal is the meat.

Anything green will be eaten “later”.

The world’s finest instrument is the ukulele.

Sailboats are meant to be polished.

No matter the topic; there’s always a song to go with it.

Any performance, recital, game or life event, regardless of how small, is worthy of a grandfather’s attendance.

When in need of obscure information for any school project; call Bumpa.

Above all, family comes first.

We love you Dad

Goodbye Dad

Mickey Cooper

May 28, 1930 – September 14, 2009

Roll with it

Yesterday morning Gus and I made our way up to the fields behind Thornlea Secondary School.  We usually take that route because there are about seven different soccer and football fields interconnected in one enormous open space.  I love to let Gus off leash there every morning because he gets a good chance to really run flat out for a while.  After that, he’s content to continue with our neighbourhood route; trotting beside me along the sidewalks for the second part of our morning walk.

Yesterday when we walked through the opening into the field, I was surprised to find a scene that I didn’t expect.  Instead of empty wide open space, the fields were packed with people and action.  It was soccer Cup Day.

I shouldn’t have to tell you why it wouldn’t be a good idea to have Gus off leash with 7 different soccer games underway.  Remember, balls are his thing!  And yes, he is completely capable of sinking his teeth into a soccer ball and carrying it in his mouth!  Needless to say, I had to change plans.

We turned around and left the field, and picked a different route for our walk.  I was disappointed because not only does Gus love to tear across the fields; he needs that flat out run every day.  I was worried that even a brisk long walk wouldn’t tire him out in the same way, and I’d have to deal with an over-energetic doodle for the rest of the day.

As it turned out, we had a lovely walk, and I found that I actually had a better workout because I was hustling at top speed and swinging my arms the whole way.  Gus was completely happy to stick to my pace, and I think he even enjoyed the change of route.  He definitely got enough exercise; just a different type of workout.  As an added bonus, we ran into an elderly woman we haven’t seen for a while around the neighbourhood.  She loves Gus and was so excited to see him that it really made my day to see how he perked her up.

How often do we have to shift gears or change direction suddenly when something unexpected interferes with our plans?  It happens all the time.  Our natural reaction is to feel thrown by the force of inertia; as if the bus we’re riding on has sharply rounded the corner, causing us to collide with the wall.  There’s a kind of mental inertia that causes us to feel rattled up when we have to change course.  It’s almost as if we have to sort out the collision between where we thought we were headed and all it entailed,  and come to terms with the shift to the new direction that we know we must take.

The inclination to resist that shift can be a strong one to overcome.  Disappointment, frustration, or even surprise can keep our feet rooted to the old path and prevent us from moving ahead as we must.  I keep thinking of Gus and his happy acceptance of the new route we took yesterday.  He just seemed to trust that it would be just as much fun as the one he was expecting, and he simply followed my lead as we turned from the fields.

As our family travels the journey of my father’s illness together, we are experiencing this phenomenon over and over again.  Just when we think we have sorted out what is going on, and have come to terms with what we have to cope with, some unexpected event happens to throw us in a totally new direction.  Sometimes things have gone up, and sometimes they have gone down.  We are doing our best to just roll with the punches, and to regroup and continue marching forward together after each new event.  Sometimes we’ve even been lucky, and things have turned out better than before.    In the end we’ve all agreed that it’s the only strategy that’s worthwhile.

There’s nothing wrong with being alone

One of the hardest things for me to cope with since having Gus is leaving him home alone.  The sight of him in the front window, with his chin on the ledge, tugs painfully at my heartstrings as I back the car out of the driveway.  He looks so abandoned and forlorn, and I always feel terrible to be leaving him behind inside as I go off out into the world for a time.

Am I crazy to feel this way?  Maybe.  Dog experts will tell you that dogs live in the present, and they promptly forget about what isn’t in front of them anymore.  We have often joked that we’d love to plant a video camera in the house, to record what Gus is actually doing when he is home by himself.  It would probably reveal a far different scenario than the lonely misery I imagine.  Like our kids when they were left home alone for the first time, he likely takes advantage of the lack of supervision to push back the boundaries a little.  Maybe he checks out all our beds, stretches out on the sofa for a while, and has a good long snuffle through all the garbage and dirty laundry he so dutifully avoids in our presence.  Or maybe . . . he does nothing at all, and just relaxes and enjoys the peace and quiet!

Time alone is a rare commodity in our busy lives.  We are programmed and scheduled with work and activities, and these usually involve a myriad of colleagues, friends and family members.  I’ve mentioned before that our house is usually bustling with teens and activity, and that’s the way I truly prefer it.  However, on the rare occasions that I do find myself alone in the house, it feels like a little gift.  Whether I choose to use that time for admirable pursuits like work or housecleaning (you now know that’s not very often!), or I simply sit down and relax with a cup of tea, I find that I end up refreshed and recharged as a result.

Since my Dad has been in hospital for weeks now, our family has pulled together in so many ways.  One thing my siblings and I have done is to ensure that our Mom does not feel she is facing this journey alone.  We have worked out an informal schedule so that someone is always with her at the hospital, and we have escorted her home at night on many occasions.  The other day, in a particularly difficult moment, I suggested that she might want me to move in with her for a bit.  My Mom is an incredible lady.  She has demonstrated a combination of  brilliant insight with a quiet strength, sensitivity, humour and a ton of class.  She very kindly thanked me for my offer, and gently said to me, “I need some time alone each night.  It’s important for me right now.”  She’s completely right, and I understood.

I respect my Mom’s need for space, and I understand that, just like me, we all benefit from quiet time in our own company on a regular basis.  I’m even starting to think differently about people I see having dinner in restaurants alone.   And finally, for now, I’m committed to getting over my hangup about leaving Gus to chill on his own in the house.  Maybe his head is on the ledge so he can make sure I’m completely out of sight before he bounds upstairs to do his thing!

A clean floor is highly overrated

Okay, I’ll admit it.  Right now the floor in my house is filthy.  No, I don’t just mean there’s a speck here or there.  I mean clumps of dog hair in the corners, pawprints up and down the hall, and big splotchy marks all over the kitchen tiles from I’m not sure what. . . that kind of filthy!  Sorry Mom, and all the rest of you who have this impression that I’m neat, clean and organized; but the truth is out.

In reality, it’s pretty much a full time job keeping a white tile floor clean when you have three teenagers and an 82 pound brown, furry, drooling doodle who spend most of their time there.  There are days when I do think it’s worth trying.  Like twice a month, after the cleaning lady has been with us.  I used to tell her that I was going to tape the kids to the walls for a few hours after she left, just to enjoy the clean feeling.  We keep a towel beside Gus’s water dish, and on those days we’re pretty good about standing over him while he drinks so we can dry off his beard as soon as he’s done.  You see, what happens is that he splashes water everywhere while he drinks, and then he wanders all over the rest of the kitchen dripping from his beard for the next 5 minutes or so.  Of course, if there is any dried dirt on his paws during this time, then it rehydrates as he wanders through the dripped water and. . . I think you get the picture.

The other thing about Gus is that, unlike most doodles, he does shed.  One of the reasons we chose his breed is that they are supposed to be “low to non-shedding.”  We always say that Gus failed that class.  It’s not his fault, but he does drop a fair bit of hair around the house, and it seems to accumulate along the baseboards, like tumbleweed.

So what’s a girl to do?  I could spend every spare minute following Gus and the kids around, and mopping, vacuuming and wiping up every drop, hair and crumb.  Frankly, I just don’t think it’s worth it.  If I have the choice of how I can spend my free time, then there are plenty of other options I can think of that will come ahead of floor cleaning.  When it’s all said and done, I hope I will be remembered for the important things I’ve done and left behind; not the status of my kitchen floor.

I came upon this little poem by an unknown author.  I think it sums up what I’m trying to say:

Dust if you must, but wouldn’t it be better
To paint a picture, or write a letter,
Bake a cake, or plant a seed;
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there’s not much time,
With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
Music to hear, and books to read;
Friends to cherish, and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world’s out there
With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it’s not kind.
And when you go (and go you must)
You, yourself, will make more dust.

Remember, a house becomes a home when you can write
“I love you” on the furniture…..

Dear Bo

Hey!  So, my Mom just read me an article in the paper all about you, and I thought it was time I dropped you a line.  I was a little disappointed when the Obamas chose you instead of a Labradoodle, but it looks like you’re doing a great job over there!  Pretty cool that you even have your own baseball card.  I don’t really know what a baseball card is, but maybe I can get one too if enough people want to know about me one day.  I’ll have to look into it.

I heard about all the stuff you’ve been doing, and you remind me a lot of myself when I was younger.  Don’t worry, you’ll soon learn that there are lots of things that taste better than sneakers and magazines, and I’m sure your family will start to keep things tidier so you don’t get into them as much.  Mine did.  Just make sure you don’t eat anything that’s labelled “top secret” – you’ll probably get heck for that!

I think it’s great that your goal is to make friends with foreign dognitaries.  I bet there are some cool dogs that come to visit you from faraway places.  Sometimes we have to be the ones to remind our people that we all have so much in common, despite what they seem to think.  Some of my best friends are totally different than me, and we all hang out at the park together just fine.  I even get along great with lots of little tiny dogs, even though their owners are sometimes worried because I look so big and powerful.   I’m pretty good at knowing how to run and play nicely without hurting them.  Sometimes I get a little possessive if another dog takes my ball, but my mom has learned that we usually work things out ourselves if our people just stay out of it.  My family has made a ton of new friends because of me, and everyone gets along just great.

I’m glad to hear that you’re helping Barack to deal with all the stress of his job.  Good for you!  I know that my mom has been writing a lot about how I help her to unwind, and how getting outside every day with me helps her to balance out all the other stuff she has to deal with.  Whatever your dad does, it sounds pretty stressful, so he’s lucky to have you around to help out.  He sounds like a cool guy if he can pause to appreciate the magic of the moment late at night with a bag full of poop.  I think he and my mom would get along great.

That’s really neat that your favourite food is tomatoes – me too!  In fact, I’ve discovered that the local ones really are the best, and they’re in season right now.  We have lots in our backyard, and I’ve been helping myself whenever no one is looking.   Have you been able to check out the ones from Michelle’s garden on the lawn?  I’ve heard that her garden is really something, and I’m sure the tomatoes there are great.  Give it a try.  Just be careful you don’t trample all the other stuff – you might get in trouble for that.

I hear you’ve been to charm school.  I did that too when I was little.  I don’t know why, but our people get so excited when we do things like sitting or shaking a paw whenever they ask.  I can even do “high five” and “roll over.”  Truthfully, it all seems kind of dumb to me.  I mean, have you ever seen any of them tell each other to “sit” all of a sudden when they’re just walking along or doing their thing?  Whatever.  All in all it’s no big deal to me, and they get so excited when I do it right on cue, especially if someone important is watching.  Besides, I usually get a cookie anyways.  I love cookies.

It sounds like you’ve got things all figured out over there.  Especially the part about loving your family.  When it comes right down to it, that’s really what matters most.  I’m sure Malia and Sasha are crazy about you the way my family is about me.   It seems like every ten minutes someone is coming over for a hug or a cuddle.  And if my mom and dad are hugging, I usually bark and nose my way into the hug too.  It makes us all feel good.

Well Bo, I just wanted to say hi and touch base.  Keep up the great work.  It sounds like you’re becoming pretty famous and you’re doing a lot to remind people of some simple but important stuff.  Hey, if you’re ever up in Canada; look me up. I know we could have a lot of fun together.   I’m sure your dad has people who can track me down.

In the meantime, all the best,

keep on doing what you’re doing -it’s all good!

Love, Gus

Always carry a second plastic bag

After having Gus for three and a half years, I’m pretty good at getting organized with everything I think I need before we go out for our walks:  hat, sunglasses, ball, treats, water bottle, leash, and of course, a doggie poop bag.  Sometimes I feel like I’m back in the days of having toddlers again.  Back then, we used to leave the house for an outing looking like we were going away for a week! Anyways, off we’ll go and everything usually rolls along as planned, including the inevitable poop.  As I’ve mentioned in an earlier post, “keep your eyes on the prize,” I pride myself on being a completely responsible dog owner, and I never leave a poop behind in the grass.  So, the poop goes in the bag and the bag goes in the nearest garbage can, and that’s the end of that.

Except. . . once in a while the unexpected occurs.  For some reason that I can’t explain, there are occasional days when Gus breaks with routine and poops a second time during his walk!  Now, pardon me for going into so much detail about all this, but I’m trying to make a point here.  The first time this happened, I actually looked at Gus and said “what are you doing??”  He looked up at me with a look that said “if you don’t know by now what I’m doing, then you haven’t been paying much attention.”  Okay, maybe his look didn’t really say all that, but I had no business questioning his business, did I?  I mean, if you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.  The problem was, I had already used my poop bag. I was sort of left not holding the bag, if you know what I mean!  It was an uncomfortable sort of feeling.

Being a resourceful kind of girl, I managed to deal with that situation using a bunch of leaves that were conveniently handy on the ground.  Not ideal, but certainly eco-friendly!  Another time I was caught off guard like that, I actually knocked on a neighbour’s door and politely asked for a plastic bag.  He was more than happy to cooperate.  After that, I learned my lesson.  Now I always make sure that I have at least two or even three bags on hand whenever we go out.  You just never know.

The boy scouts had it right when they chose “be prepared”  as their motto.  In life, we just don’t always know what’s around the next corner.  If we plan for what we anticipate, and then add an extra measure,  we’ll likely be ready in case of the unexpected.  Overpreparing a little helps to build confidence that we’ll be able to handle whatever gets thrown our way.  If you think one bag will do the trick, then  throw in an extra one or two and you know you’ll be fine.  Who knows,  you may even be able to come to the aid of a friend in need!

The thrill of the hunt

It happens all the time.  We’ll be out in the field or cruising along the sidewalk, and suddenly Gus will dive into a clump of bushes.  I’ve learned that, on these occasions, there’s nothing that will distract him or lure him from what he’s doing.  For several minutes he will frantically root around and dig with fierce determination, and he always eventually emerges triumphantly with something in his teeth.  We have amassed quite a collection of his trophies:  zillions of assorted balls, mitts and gloves, a hat or two, and even the occasional shoe that he has proudly carried home after discovering them abandoned here and there around the neighbourhood.  For those of you who have been missing these items, I’m really sorry, but with no name tags it’s hard to know who to return them to.  As far as Gus is concerned, the rule is “finders keepers.”

Truthfully, he usually loses interest in these discoveries soon after bringing them home.  In fact, he often will dig up and carry some new item all the way through the neighbourhood, only to drop it on the grass down the street from our house.  It’s as if he is content to have unearthed and claimed the treasure, but really isn’t too hung up on owning it for the long term.  The thrill was in the hunt itself.

I know exactly how Gus feels.  If you are like me, then you realize that we are now in garage sale season.  Just this morning, we passed several signs on our walk, and of course we detoured so I could have a look.  I don’t know why, but I just can’t resist the chance to poke through someone else’s old castoff bits and pieces.  Sometimes there is something specific I’m looking for.  Right now I’d be thrilled to discover an old student desk for Rebecca’s new apartment at school.  But most of the time, I’m just in it for the chase.

It truly is a form of treasure hunting for me.  I can feel my pulse quicken in anticipation as I dig deeper through boxes or piles of this and that.  I get a real adrenaline rush when I suddenly discover something of value – even if it is only valuable to me.  Over the years I have acquired some beautiful heirloom silver pieces and antique cameras and radios, and recently I found a brand new food dehydrator -something I had been planning to go out and purchase.  I have stocked my bookshelves with bestselling novels and sought-after cookbooks; I bought Jeff a turntable that he wanted,  and I have even picked up a few pieces of art.

Like Gus, I occasionally get home and realize that my “treasure” really is just junk.  Sometimes what looks like gold doesn’t glitter quite as brightly in a different light!  No problem – we’ve made our share of donations to Goodwill, and we’ve recycled quite a lot of stuff by holding many garage sales of our own over the years.  And okay, I do have to admit that our basement doesn’t really have too much empty space anymore.  I don’t care.  As entertainment goes, it is pretty inexpensive, it’s local, and in today’s world it’s considered eco-friendly too!

Gotta go now – there are a few more sales we didn’t hit this morning, and the good stuff will all be gone soon!

There’s comfort in routine

Gus’s days are pretty predictable.  He wakes up with a big stretch and goes downstairs to look out the windows and check what’s doing around the house.  He then goes outside with Jeff for a short run through the park, where he takes care of his morning business.  After coming inside, it’s breakfast time and then he’s ready for a short nap.  He knows that after I’ve had my coffee and breakfast, it’s time for the two of us to set out for our big morning walk.  When I go upstairs to put on my walking gear, he follows me and waits attentively in my room.  He knows that I have to first put on my walking clothes, fill his water bottle and clip on my fanny pack, and then he sits beside me at the door as I tie on my walking shoes.  Then the door is opened, and off we go.

And so it goes.  There’s even a predictable pattern to our walk.  I do have a few different routes to keep things interesting, but for each one there is a familiar path we follow, and Gus always visits the same spots and checks out the same corners.  We’ve both come to expect it, and I even anticipate his pauses and detours as we go.

I remember when Gus was a puppy and we had lots of advice on training.  Everyone we spoke to and every book we read emphasized the importance of establishing a daily routine.  They said it would help with his behaviour if he always knew what was coming next.   It took me back to my early days as a new mom.  The parenting experts also told us back then that babies are more secure and settled when their days are predictable, and their feeding and sleeping schedules are consistent.  I happen to know that today’s moms are given advice to be more flexible, and not to get too hung up on having a set schedule.  I’m not so sure I’d have been happy with that.  I remember looking forward to afternoon nap time every day, because it was the only time in my hectic day when I knew I was sure to be at home, with a little peace and quiet for myself.

Even now, in this grown up and chaotic life that we lead, routine still has a comforting effect.  Many of you are aware that our family is currently dealing with a challenge, as my Dad is quite ill in hospital.  For almost three weeks now our regular schedules have been replaced by endless hours in the hospital, to be by his side and to support our Mom and each other.  It’s easy to forget that the rest of the world is going on as usual outside when your focus has narrowed to a single room in the intensive care unit.

Thank heavens for Gus and the fact that his needs never change.  My kids have been great at taking over and ensuring that he is looked after, so that I am free to be where I am needed most.  However, I am trying my best to keep to my usual schedule whenever I can.  This morning as we strode across the field in the sun, it felt like every other beautiful morning that Gus and I have spent together outside.  For a short while, I forgot about all the adult concerns I am carrying on my shoulders, and we made our way past all of the usual checkpoints.  I threw the ball for a while, and then we rounded the corner past the baseball diamond as we always do.  As we strolled through our neighbourhood towards home, I felt comforted and relaxed by the familiar rhythm of it all.  I think that knowing that this piece of my day is predictable somehow helps me to balance out the other parts that I worry about.  When those we love aren’t well, we seem to be able to cope with what’s in front of us; it’s what’s ahead and unknown that we fear.

One of the regular classes I teach is about stress.  At the end of the physiology part of the lecture, I always try to tie in what else is known about how we are able to cope best with stress.  What comes up over and over again in the research is the fact that people who feel they are in control always do better than those who see themselves as helpless victims of their circumstances.  I guess for me, sticking to my routine is my way of claiming control where I can.  If you are looking for me in the mornings, you can find me in the park.

Simple words; serious power

Every day when Gus and I are out walking, I play a little game with myself.   When we come upon any other person, whether they are walking towards us, or we simply pass them on our route, I smile and say “good morning!”  The game is to see how big a change I can bring about in that person, using only these two simple words.  You would be amazed.

Some people aren’t that exciting; they are already smiling and they begin to say “good morning” at almost the same time as I do.  I’m  always happy to get their greeting, and I give myself points for those ones, but not very many.  My favourite players in the game are the ones that present a bigger challenge.  You know, those people who walk with their heads down; trying to avoid the gaze of anyone coming their way.  Or those people who seem to be looking right through you as they approach.  You know that if you don’t say anything, they will just storm on by as if you aren’t even on the sidewalk.  These people are the ones that turn it into a real game for me.  I usually turn on my brightest smile and say my friendliest “good morning!”  in those cases.  I try to see how many points I can get.

Occasionally, one of these people won’t return my greeting at all, and they will just keep marching on by without acknowledging me or Gus.  There are no points for that.   Usually, however, I get at least a “good morning” in reply.  I grant myself small points if I get simple “hello” or “good morning” back; more points if I get a greeting and a smile, and the biggest points of all if I get an even bigger greeting than the one I gave.  The greatest bonus points are saved for those people who actually stop for a minute as they say hello, and we end up having a little chat.  Gus loves these ones the most, because these people usually pat him and give him a personal hello as well. He will smile and wag his greeting right on back.

Do you think I’m crazy?  I don’t.  It is a powerful feeling to see the transformation you can bring about in another person’s whole demeanour, as their face changes from a serious scowl or a blank stare to a warm and friendly smile  – all because of two simple words.  Give it a try today and you’ll see what I mean.

Nobody’s perfect

So, just in case you think I’m trying to give the impression that Gus is perfect, I thought it was time to set things straight.  He is actually perfect; perfectly normal, as this little story will show.

This morning we were out in the field as usual, and I recognized a familiar face in the distance.  It turned out to be Lydia, a woman I had just met earlier this week.  She was with her two dogs, Sport and Snuggle.  On that earlier day, our conversation had rolled around to my blog because we were talking about getting our dogs to listen.  I had just written the post about communication, so we chatted about it and I was sharing my experiences regarding training Gus, and how far we had come.  In the end, I sent her the link to the blog.   She posted a lovely comment, and has since contacted our trainer to help her with her dogs.

The point in all of this is that, on that day, Gus was in top form.  He was the perfect gentleman; running nicely with the other dogs and coming to sit calmly as soon as he was called.  I left feeling delighted that we had made some lovely new friends, and that we had impressed them with Gus’s excellent training and fine behaviour.

Well, this morning as we approached, Lydia was throwing a ball for one of her dogs.  Gus took off like a shot and grabbed the ball before Sport ever had a chance.  He charged back over to us with the trophy in his mouth; ready to play.  I told Lydia that this was our one touchy issue – Gus loves to play ball so much that he doesn’t care whose ball it is -once he gets it, he thinks that the game is all his.

I barked “sit”  and “drop it” in my most commanding tone, and he did eventually sit and drop the ball at my feet.  Unfortunately, he thought that the game was on, and that I was going to throw it again for him.  When I tried to hand the ball over to Lydia so she could put it away, Gus began to jump for the ball in my hands.  Now, Gus is a big dog, and he has a lot of energy.  Believe it or not, it is possible for 82 pounds of doodle to become airborne vertically!  It’s actually pretty hilarious to see him bouncing up and down for the ball, but today I wasn’t impressed.  I felt like I was losing face as he jumped crazily and dodged for my hands as I tried to pass the ball back to its rightful owner.  Gus was so wound up that he totally stopped listening to my commands.  The final straw was when, on one jump, he crashed into my knee with such force that I began to see stars and I had to stop and put my head down to avoid blacking out in the middle of the field!

At this point Jeff clipped Gus’s leash on, and we were able to calmly hand the ball back.  We said an awkward goodbye, and waved as Lydia and her dogs retreated into the distance.  I thought to myself, “well, there goes that good impression!”

Let’s face it, no one is perfect!  Like Gus, we all manage to learn the rules and perform the tricks most of the time – even better if the right people happen to be watching.  However, just like everything else about real life, things don’t always go as planned.  We all have our moments from time to time.  Even the most wonderful mothers have been known to occasionally lose it and holler at their children like a fishwife.  The most poised and collected people can drop their guard and let it all hang out in certain situations, and the picture perfect children can forget themselves and pick their noses at the dinner table in front of Daddy’s new boss.  It happens.

My saving strategy in these moments is a deep breath, a good laugh (if I can muster it), and a reality check to remind myself that this is what real life is all about.  Being perfect all the time takes a lot of work, and it is exhausting.  It’s a standard that no one should be rigidly held to.  I learned a long time ago that it is healthier to accept and embrace those inevitable imperfections in myself, my family members, and of course, my dog.  In fact, if we are in the right frame of mind, these little quirks can be quite endearing, and they often lead to great stories once we can get a little distance and see them in better perspective.  While I do my best to keep my cool and not get hung up about every little thing, I’m only human, and I do forget from time to time like everyone else.  I guess today Gus felt that I needed a little reminder!

Letting go

So, here we are in Cleveland.  We drove in Wednesday night after taking Gus across the street to stay with our good friend Wendi and her family.  It may be hard to believe, but in three and a half years, this is the first time the whole family has gone away together and left Gus behind!  It wasn’t easy.

Like ridiculous overprotective parents, we packed up and carted over Gus’s food, his water dish, his frisbee, his favourite rubber bone, and his enormous bed.  I laughed and rolled my eyes as Jeff wrote out a full page of instructions, right down to the request that someone snuggle with Gus before he goes to sleep!  Then, when no one was looking,  I quietly took the paper and added a line or two of my own.  Okay, now for the hard truth:  we are only going to be away for three nights!

Why is it so hard to let go?  I know that Wendi and her family will take wonderful care of  Gus, and I have every reason to believe that he will be just fine without us.  We can even call and email from the road to be reassured that all is well.  I think that the worry comes from feeling helpless.  In letting go, we give up control over the events that occur between saying goodbye and reuniting once more.

What if there’s a thunderstorm and he is scared?  What if he encounters the nasty dog from around the corner?  Will he eat his food in a different environment?  Will Wendi and her kids know just the right place he loves to be scratched under his chin?  In short, will everything be okay without us??

Of course it will.

Perhaps the real problem is ego.  We can’t imagine that we are replaceable, or that anyone else could possibly fill our shoes while we are away. That may in fact be true, but it doesn’t mean that someone else isn’t able to do what is necessary; just a bit differently.  Even worse, what if  it turns out that Gus doesn’t actually need us as much as we think he does?

We tend to underestimate both the capabilities of those we trust to look after our loved ones, and the adaptability of those we hand over into their care.  Wendi has been a dog owner and trainer for years, and she actually has far more experience than we do.  Gus is, after all, a dog,  and he will tend to live in the present and roll  right along with whatever is right in front of him.  Everything will be just fine.

Throughout our lives we face the challenge of letting go over and over again.  As Labour Day approaches, many parents are preparing to watch their children walk through the doors of new and wonderful places; from kindergarten to high school to university.  We went through it when they were smaller and we left them with babysitters, and now those old feelings are bubbling up to the surface again.  We need to remember to put on a big smile and wave goodbye; telegraphing our confidence in our childrens’ ability to succeed out there.  If we’ve done our job well, then everything will be just fine.

As we come to accept that our charges can manage in new situations without us, we may end up with the bittersweet feeling of being a little less indispensable.  The trade-off, however, is knowing that we can relax and be proud of their independence and ability to stand on their own.  Letting go turns out to be good for everyone.

A walk in the fresh air always makes everything better

You know how it goes.  Take a little basic stress, add in some normal family dynamics; sprinkle with a few messy teenage bedrooms and some laundry pile-ups; season with a pending departure for a few days out of town, and what do you have?  The recipe for a perfect batch of family squabbling!

We are supposed to leave today for a mini-road trip with our kids.  It’s nothing major; just a much-needed few days away together to laugh, chill and generally hang out as a family.  Unfortunately, my Dad has been quite sick in hospital, so we really didn’t think we were going to want to be away, and we had left the final decision until this morning.  I’m happy to say that he is doing much better, and he has joined everyone in insisting that we head out for our little break.  You can understand how the lead-up to today has been very stressful, and we are all exhausted; physically and emotionally.

As we made our decision to go ahead this morning, we roused the kids and told them of our plan.  For some reason, this was the time that we discovered a multitude of neglected chores, messy bedrooms and undone laundry.  It seemed like there was a mountain of work to be done before we were even going to be able to hit the road.  With fuses already short from stress and fatigue, our tempers flared and we all started bickering.  At one point, I announced that it just seemed like too much trouble for a few days, and that we should just skip it altogether and stay home.

Through all of this rising hubub, a large brown dog lay quietly in the corner on the kitchen floor; his soulful eyes moving back and forth between the arguing family members.  I’m not sure what he was thinking, but I know that he could feel the stress level going up.  He always seems to retreat a bit when voices are raised in our house.  I have no doubt that he feels the negative energy, and it clearly affects him as well.

After my final outburst, I looked down at him and announced, “Gus and I are going for a walk!”  And off we went.

It’s beautiful outside today.  The humidity of the past week has cleared, and there was a cool breeze blowing down the street; rustling the leaves as we set out.  This morning’s rain had left everything smelling fresh and renewed, yet there were still a few drops falling from the trees as we passed under them.  The sun danced in and out from behind the clouds, and I felt my tension start to ease up as we headed down the street; falling into our familiar rhythm together.

We walked for almost an hour, and I found myself letting go of the issues that had seemed so important and annoying back in the house.  Do I really care if the kids’ rooms are clean?  So what if there’s laundry waiting for us on Saturday.  Everything will be ok with Dad, and the rest of the family can manage without me for a few days.  At one point, Gus turned back and looked at me with his goofy smile, and I could swear he seemed to be saying “see Mom . . . isn’t everything better once you get outside!”

By the time we rounded the corner to head back towards home, my head felt clearer and my steps were lighter.  I was ready to walk in the door with a smile and move into gear for our family getaway.  As the icing on the cake, a woman suddenly called out and waved to me from across the street.  I could tell she didn’t speak English, because she only made hand gestures, but she waved and pointed at Gus, and then gave me a huge smile and a double thumbs-up sign.  Gus had worked his magic again!

What goes around comes around

So, here’s the story:

Several times over the last few months, Gus and I have encountered Fido (names have been changed to protect privacy) and his owner on our morning walks.  The first time we met, I asked Fido’s owner if he was friendly.  “Oh yes,”  she replied.  So Fido and Gus did the requisite “hello” ritual – a bit of sniffing here and there- and generally checked each other out.  Gus is pretty easy going, and in his typical fashion, he eventually took a seat on the sidewalk as the two humans chatted for a bit.

At this point I must point out that Fido is a very small dog -probably 10 or 15 pounds, in contrast to Gus’s 80 or so.  The two dogs chilled on the sidewalk for a minute, and then,  for some reason I cannot explain, Fido suddenly decided to lunge at Gus.  He ran to the edge of his little leash, snarling and yipping, and generally appearing about as ferocious as a little 15 pound white dog can appear.

Gus understandably jumped back out of Fido’s reach, and regarded him with a curious look.  If I had to imagine the text bubble above his head, it would have read, “yo man,  what the heck is your problem??”  I said a quick farewell, and off we went with Fido’s owner apologizing after us.

A similar scenario has played out on several other occasions when we have encountered Fido.  Not wanting to foster ongoing bad relations in the neighbourhood, I have tried to give him a few second chances, but it just doesn’t seem to be worth the effort.  Fido’s behaviour has been pretty consistent.  He always waits for a bit, and then charges at Gus; yapping like crazy.

The last time we encountered them, Gus and I finally decided that we’d made a solid effort, and didn’t need to worry about being social anymore.  We nodded hello, steered a wide path around them on the sidewalk,  and continued on our way.

Well, yesterday morning things were a little different.  For the first time ever, we ran into Fido out in the middle of the field, when both dogs were off-leash.  I decided to let things take their course.  Gus hesitated at first, and then trotted up to Fido to say hello.  (I have to hand it to Gus; he really is so good-natured!).  As I had hoped, something about being off-leash changed the dynamic, and the two dogs seemed content to mill about each other with no obvious drama.   We hung about and chatted for a bit; remarking on how nicely things were going.

Then, as if someone threw a switch, Fido went back into his old mode and suddenly charged at  Gus.  Well, this time Gus must have decided that he’d had enough of this little bully, and he gave it right back!  He didn’t touch Fido, but he snapped back at him with a serious growl as if to say “that’s it!  I’ve had enough of you!”  The humans were a little stunned by the loud noise, and I think Fido was too.  He beat a hasty retreat and promptly sat down at a safe distance; striking a pose like a perfect little stuffed doggy.  I don’t think he’ll bother Gus again!

What I hope that Fido figured out was that everything eventually comes full circle.  The way that you treat someone on a first encounter is usually registered, and filed away for future reference.  Most of us, like Gus, can brush off rude behaviour when it happens, but it leaves a lasting impression nonetheless.  Sooner or later, bullies usually get what they deserve in the end.

Fortunately, I do believe that the opposite is also true.  Positive acts can be even more powerful and lasting in their reach than negative ones.  When we go the extra mile for someone, or extend ourselves with an act of caring or kindness, our actions boomerang back to us eventually; often via some unexpected route.

Communication is much more than simply words

“Come!”  “Sit”  “Paw”  “Leave it!”

A dog’s life is full of the commands that we use in order to convey important information, and to elicit the behaviour we want from them.  Like most new dog owners, we devoted countless hours to practicing these simple commands with Gus when he was a puppy.  He, in turn, rewarded us by dutifully performing on cue -often in front of an attentive audience.  Let’s face it, what good is a dog if you can’t impress your friends and family with his tricks?

As Gus grew up, we began to have trouble with some of his “listening” skills.  We found that he didn’t always respond to our commands consistently anymore, and we began to get frustrated.  I was reduced to tears on a number of occasions as he galloped insanely through the park; ignoring my pleas for him to come to me.  We decided that we needed some help.

Enter Troy; a fabulous trainer who had been discovered by some of our neighbourhood dog people.  Now, I won’t go into all of the details of what Troy did with us, although I will tell you that the kids were convinced that he is part dog (they kept trying to see the tail concealed under his jacket!).  What I will tell you is that, through our “dog training” sessions, Troy helped us to develop a better understanding of ourselves.

It all came down to the fact that we weren’t giving Gus the messages we thought we were when we interacted with him.  Dogs are so finely attuned to what is around them, that they pick up so much from us that has nothing to do with the words we are speaking.  We began to focus on things like our tone of voice, head angle, and body stance when we gave commands to Gus. We came to realize that the total of all our nonverbal cues was overriding the commands we thought we were giving.    These lessons were invaluable.  We began to focus more on how we were delivering our messages,  and by following Troy’s suggestions we soon found a huge improvement in the issues we had been struggling with.

Life is all about communication.  Every day we have thousands of interactions with those around us.  How much of what we think we are saying ends up as the real message read by the person on the receiving end?  Simply changing our tone of voice and posture can give an entirely different meaning to a phrase as simple as “what are you doing?”

We humans aren’t as skilled as our canine friends, but we sure can read the subtle cues conveyed by arms tightly folded across a chest, a tip of the head, or a sarcastic tone at the end of a sentence.  The subtext may become the headline; and the impact of our words may not be at all what we intended.

When we run into problems with one another, more often than not it’s a result of signals getting crossed, or messages being muddled.  Focusing on all the components of the message we are sending makes it much more likely that our true meaning will come across as intended, and that we will see our desired response.  Imagine that. . .

Surround yourself with the things that make you happy

Gus loves balls.  It’s that simple.  Tennis balls, rubber balls, soccer balls; it really doesn’t matter.  He loves to carry them in his mouth when he walks.  He loves to run and fetch a ball if you’ll throw it for him.  He even loves to lie on the floor with a ball in his mouth and just roll it around.  This is what makes him happy.  As you can see from the picture, he’s in his element just being surrounded by what he loves.We all have our own little things that make us happy.  For me, it’s my morning cup of coffee in my faded mug, the smell of freesia, and of course the endless bounty of colourful vegetables at a farmer’s market!  Jeff knows that if we are ever out in the country and we come upon a market, we absolutely have to stop.  It’s my happy place.

When you know what makes you smile, don’t skimp.  Serve your dinner on a beautiful plate.  Splurge on a single decadent chocolate truffle. Put on your softest cotton pj’s and curl up with the latest electronics flyers.  Life demands that we spend so much time looking after the needs of others that we often forget to take a minute and indulge ourselves.  Never underestimate how much pleasure you can get from something incredibly simple.  Give it a try!

Warm Fuzzies

True wisdom means knowing that, on some days, the right thing to do is to just stop thinking about everything,  and relax with something warm and cozy.

This little video is my treat for you all.  (Josh made it and posted it on Youtube the week that Gus joined our family)

Thank you so much to everyone for all the incredible support and encouragement I have received this week.

Enjoy!

-Janet

Keep your eyes on the prize

Ok, I’ll admit it.  In the three and a half years that we’ve had Gus, I have failed to pick up his poop twice.

As a dog owner and a neighbourhood dweller, I know that this is the ultimate sin.  No one wants to stumble upon a little treasure in the grass, and frankly, it’s just bad manners.  So, what’s the deal?

It hit me just now as Gus and I came in from the park beside our house.    Since he is fine off-leash, he is often far ahead of me in a field when he chooses the perfect spot to do his thing.  I have invented a little ritual I call the “tracker beam,” where I fix my gaze on him, and then stride directly over to where he has been, without ever taking my eyes off that spot.  I do my duty, and off we go.  It’s usually no big deal.

Well, it  happened on those two occasions that I must have let the tracker beam waver, and by the time I crossed the field I simply just could not find that poop.  People out in the park must’ve thought I was crazy, because I actually marked out a grid and paced back and forth for 10 minutes over where I thought it was.  Remarkable as it seems, that poop just seemed to vanish!  I felt terrible leaving it behind, but at least I was confident in knowing that I had tried my best to find it.

In every stage of life, our energies are always directed towards some particular goal.  At first it may be tying our shoes, and then we begin to aim for different things like high marks in school, buying  a house, losing weight or reaching a new position at work.  When we keep the tracker beam riveted on our objective, it always seems that our goals move within reach.

Reflecting on the goals that I have set for myself but never attained, I can now see clearly that I let that beam waver.  It’s so easy to get distracted by other things in the field, and then when we get to where we think we were headed, the prize just isn’t there anymore.  The surest route to any target is to mark out a direct path, and then to keep marching towards it, without ever letting it move from our line of sight.

Always travel with your own sunshine

Gus has the ability to light up any place.  His amazing disposition is a combination of unconditional love, puppy-like spontaneity and unbridled enthusiasm.  Of course he always makes us happy, but we’ve witnessed the effect he has on other people time and time again  (see “small moments can have big impact”).  If he’s sitting in the car while we’re driving, we often see smiles light up in other cars around us.  I’ve already mentioned how his greetings can instantly lift anyone’s mood.  He just has this amazing ability to brighten things up.

Watching Gus spread sunshine has made me more aware of others who have the same effect.  This morning I had to take Sarah to the orthodontist.  Now, Dr. Parker’s is a wonderful place to go if you need your teeth straightened, but I always love being there because of his incredible team at the front desk.  Annette, Norene and Cindi are three wonderful women who manage the patients, the parents, and the steady flow of traffic.   They always manage to keep the atmosphere professional, yet at the same time upbeat, welcoming and friendly.  This morning I had a chat with Cindi that left me inspired to write this post.

It’s been 3 1/2 years since Sarah got her braces on.  With appointments starting out biweekly, and now down to monthly, you can figure out how many times we have been in that office.  I can honestly tell you that, in all of this time, I have never seen Cindi in any  mode other than smiling, bubbly and warm to everyone she deals with.  We have a lot to talk about because she also has a dog that she loves, but she chats with everyone, and always leaves them feeling important.  The thing that many people don’t seem to know is that Cindi is in severe pain all of the time.  You’d never know it, unless you notice her hesitate as she moves to get up from her chair.

Why is it that some people are so sunny, while others seem like Eyore, with a permanent rain cloud hovering above their head?  Some say that people are just born that way, but I believe that a lot of it is personal choice.   When I told Cindi today that I thought she was an inspiration, she said that she had just decided a long time ago that there was no use in being any other way.

If we really think about the atmosphere we are creating by our attitude, our words and our interactions with others, it’s amazing how we truly can bring about a change in the weather.  Haven’t we already had enough rain this summer?

It’s been one of those days. . .

Had a really long and exhausting day today.  Too tired to even go into it.  Gonna go crash now.

Respect warning signs

An unusual thing happened today when Gus and I were walking.  We headed up to the big field where I often let him off leash for a run.  I unclipped him and jogged down the hill onto the field as I do every morning.  When I looked back to see if he was following, I was surprised to see that he was still right where I’d left him.  He was pacing back and forth with his nose down; sniffing intently at an area of the grass.

I called out for him to come; expecting him to charge towards me across the field.  Instead, he simply sat down and looked at me from the distance.  After several more attempts to call him, I finally gave up and walked back to where he was sitting.  He looked up at me as if to say, “I”m not going past this point.”

Remembering the advice of dog trainers to “be the pack leader,” I clipped his leash back on and gave it an assertive yank to indicate that we were going this way, and there was no doubt about it.  No such luck.  If you have ever tried to budge a sitting, 82 pound labradoodle, you know what I mean.

I finally decided that I just wasn’t in the mood for a struggle, and I set out back in the direction of home.  Gus happily trotted along beside me as if nothing had happened.  When we came to a part of the street that backs onto a huge ravine, he simply refused to keep walking on the sidewalk, and started pulling me to cross the road.  Again, not being up for a battle, I took the path of least resistance and we headed along the other side of the street,  straight for home.

What was it that caused him to behave this way?  I’m not sure that I’ll ever know.  It reminded me of the time when we were up at our friend Mark‘s cottage, and Gus pulled something similar; refusing to walk up the road to do his business.  After we were home, Mark called to tell us that they discovered a bear in the woods nearby.  Apparently Gus knew all along.

Animals have keenly developed senses that alert them to the warning signs of danger. They are hard-wired to respond to those signs.   As I witnessed today, Gus’s instincts told him that there was a good reason to avoid the field and the sidewalk near the ravine, even though I couldn’t find anything to be wary of.

It made me think about the various signs of trouble that we humans often dismiss.  We brush off new aches and pains as the inevitable cost of aging; often neglecting to check things out until problems are advanced.  We fail to deal with troubled relationships; reassuring ourselves that things will pass, or aren’t as bad as they seem.  We watch the needle slide past empty on the gas tank, and end up hauling gas down a deserted road when the tank runs dry.

Responding to early warning signs of any kind usually helps us to avoid problems before they happen, or at least allows us deal with issues before they become too serious. Gus seems to instinctively know that this is the way to be.  I think it’s a good model to follow.

Eat locally

Gus discovers that eating locally starts in your own backyard

The trend to eat locally grown food is a hot one this year.  We have been supporting it in several ways.  We are taking part in a community supported agriculture program through a fabulous local organic farm called The Cutting Veg.  I also try, whenever possible, to buy food that is locally grown, whether at one of the several farmer’s markets in the area, or right in our own grocery stores.  Finally, I have experimented with growing a few small crops at home this year.  We have enjoyed peas, onions, rhubarb, tomatoes, herbs and zucchini through the fruits of my (somewhat inconsistent) labour.  While I wouldn’t exactly call my harvest plentiful, it has certainly been a great learning experience, and a lot of fun!

Gus has been terrific as a backyard farm dog.  He has been respectful of the plants in the garden and on the deck, although he occasionally checks them out with great interest.  This morning, for some unknown reason, he decided that it was time to get in on the locavore trend.  I caught him in the act- stealing some of my prized cherry tomatoes.  I guess he decided that enough was enough, and they just looked too good!

Small moments can have big impact

Last night we went to the Unionville Jazz Festival.  The night was beautiful and warm – the kind we just haven’t had enough of this year.  We debated about whether to bring Gus along.  Unionville is a very dog-friendly district, but we knew it would be crowded, and it’s sometimes hard to navigate with 82 pounds of labradoodle checking out every new sight and smell.  In the end, we just couldn’t bear to leave him home alone on such a lovely night, so off we all went.

As expected, the street and sidewalk were crowded, and the music was great.  We worked our way  from corner to corner, taking in the jazz and trying to keep Gus from getting in everyone’s way.  To be fair, he was really well-behaved, but there were just so many people eating so many delicious smelling ice cream cones. . . and well, let’s just say he was a bit distracted.  We started to wonder whether it had been a good idea to bring him along after all.  It really wasn’t turning out to be a relaxing evening stroll.

At one point we stopped to hear a fabulous group we remembered from last year.  There was a bit more space on the sidewalk, so we settled in for a bit, and Gus finally sat down by our feet.  As we listened to the music I started to relax, and found myself thinking that this was more like what I had in mind.

After a while, Jeff nudged me and pointed across the sidewalk.  On the other side of the crowd there was a young woman in a wheelchair.  She was leaning over in her seat and waving her arms.  We realized that she was gesturing to Gus!  Jeff walked him over to say hi, and the effect was transformational.  She seemed to have difficulty talking, but her face lit up in a beaming smile as she leaned over and patted him.  She was grinning from ear to ear as they shared a private moment in the middle of the crowd.  When we chatted with her father, we learned that they had had two dogs of their own when she was younger.

We left for home shortly after that, but on reflection, I’m not sure which part of the evening will stay with me longer:  the warm summer air; the mellow jazz; or the beaming smile that Gus brought to a young woman’s face.

Kids need to get off-leash too

Every day when Gus and I head out on our walk we follow pretty much the same routine.  I don’t put the leash on him at the beginning, because we are right beside a huge park.  Gus first checks to see if I’m behind him, and then he runs into the park to check out the day’s news.  He will gallop across the field, making the rounds of all the trees he regularly pees on, and sniffing all the spots where his neighbourhood friends have already left their marks.

After we have made our way through the park and schoolyard, our path takes us close to a busy street.  I always call Gus to “come”, and he will trot up to me and sit while I clip on his leash.  At this point we often set out on our serious walk, making our way together through the streets of our neighbourhood.

Today after I clipped on his leash, I was musing about the fact that he always comes to me willingly after running so freely in the park.  It struck me that, while he loves to be off-leash and free, he is also happy to be connected to me while we walk along the sidewalk.  He still occasionally pulls on the leash, but for the most part he is content to have 6 feet as the maximum distance between us.

Gus has figured out the concept of on- and off-leash. He handles his freedom to run and roam, yet is content to be connected when the situation requires it. He seems to have figured out that there is a time for running ahead and a time for walking by my side. I honestly believe that he feels secure when we are connected, and he knows that he will be allowed to run free again when the time and place are right.

On Sunday, Josh and Sarah, my two younger kids, are coming home from summer camp. Josh has been away for 8 weeks, and Sarah for almost 4. In my children’s world, overnight camp is about as off-leash as you can get when you are 14 or 16. There are plenty of adults in supervisory roles, but they are not your parents, and there is freedom to explore, to grow and to escape the routines and responsibilities of home. This is exactly why Jeff and I have made it a priority to offer our kids this wonderful experience.

We have had a window into our kids’ summer adventures due to Bunk1 -a brilliant innovation that posts candid photos from the camp online for parents to view. We have seen photos of Josh in a leadership role, leading music and worship, and being team captain for a huge camp-wide colour war.  We have seen numerous images of Sarah with her arms thrown around her friends, walking down a forest path or hanging out by the swim docks. It is clear that they have been having a wonderful time.

As they come off the bus on Sunday and into our waiting hugs, they may well feel like the leash is being clipped back on. I hope that, like Gus, they will be warm and secure to be back in the embrace of our family ties. I know that they value and respect the bonds that connect us, and I hope that the routines of home won’t seem too constraining after the freedom of camp. My experience tells me that they may pull on the leash a bit as they settle back in, but I know that we’ll all work together to strike the right balance.   After all, next summer isn’t that far away!

Sometimes you just have to choose

So here’s how it goes.  Most days when we walk, Gus brings a ball along.  There’s always at least some part of our journey when we are in an open field.  I throw and he fetches for a while, and for the rest of the time he loves to carry his ball in his mouth.  He is, after all, part retriever.

Gus is very attached to his ball, and he will run back and search for it if he’s dropped it in the grass.  Even when he is panting, he will carry his ball in his mouth for the rest of the walk, despite the fact that this limits his ability to cool off properly.

Every once in a while, something interesting happens.  We might be out in the middle of the field or at the park, and Gus will discover another abandoned ball lying in the grass.  He’ll drop his original ball and stand over the new discovery for a while.  Sometimes I can almost hear his thoughts as he looks at the two balls, trying to decide what to do.  He clearly weighs the merits of each one, and often looks up at me as if to ask, “which one should I choose?”

On rare occasions, he will try to pick up both balls in his mouth.  This is hilarious and usually doesn’t last for very long -it makes for very difficult breathing!  Most often he will make his choice, and pick up one of the balls to carry for the rest of the walk, leaving the other one in the grass.  I’m always amazed because he will usually abandon his own ball; the one he was originally so committed to, in favour of the new discovery.

So, I guess you’re wondering what this all has to do with me.  Well, if you’re following my blog, you will have noticed my original commitment to post something every day.  You might be thinking that I’ve already fallen off the wagon -not having made a post yesterday, after only three days!  Now, maybe this is just me justifying my failure to post, but it kind of happened like Gus with the ball.  I had to make a choice.

My original intent was to sit down and write after dinner.  My very special cousins came over for dinner, and we had a lovely visit, including dessert with my Mom & Dad.  I had mentioned that I wanted it to be an early night, as I had some work and blogging to do.  After dinner, my cousins and I, along with two of our grown-up daughters, sat around the table chatting for a long time.  They kept offering to leave, but I encouraged them to stay.  We don’t get together like that often enough, and we were having such a great time catching up, and talking about life, blogging, passion, and following your creative dreams.  It was an energizing conversation, and it encouraged me to believe that I have started something worth pursuing.  The only catch was that by the time they left and I cleaned up, it was very late.

I finished some work that I had to do, and by the time I sat down to write the post that had been percolating in my head, it was well past midnight.  I wrote for a while, but I could really see that I was not at my best.  I felt like Gus, weighing the merits of the two balls.  Ball one: stay up even later, finish writing, and post something that I wasn’t really proud of, just to meet my commitment.  Ball two: accept that I had chosen instead to spend some special time with very special people, pack it in and miss a day of posting.

Well, I guess you can see the choice I made.

A big smile and a sloppy kiss can work magic

Today was kind of aggravating.  Now, I really love the work I do teaching, and usually I come home tired but energized – sort of like after a performance.  Somehow today was different.   For whatever reason, my lectures seemed to really drag and I felt like Jerry Seinfeld on a bad night at the improv.  You know; the sound of one hand clapping in the audience.  To top it off, I had a student challenge me in front of the class, and I had to be politically correct and give a snappy comeback while still staying professional and respectful. It annoyed me that I had to deal with that when I try so hard and put in  so much effort for my students.

Let’s just say that by the time I rolled into the driveway, I had been mulling things over and I was feeling pretty rotten.  I was in one of those moods where I just wanted to get in the door, make a cup of tea, and slump by myself for a bit so I wouldn’t whine and complain to anyone else.

I opened the door  to do this, and instead was greeted by 82 pounds of bouncing labradoodle in full body wag.  Now let me tell you, when Gus is really happy, he actually smiles. He was so happy to see me that he was grinning from ear to ear (that’s really big!) and he pranced around in front of me  before  diving in to place a big sloppy dog-kiss all over my face!  Sorry for all you germophobes, but I absolutely  loved every minute of it!

Before I knew it, my grumpy mood had completely dissolved as I bathed (literally) in this enthusiastic welcome.

A little later when I did have the chance to sit and reflect, I started to think about how I usually greet the members of my family when they come in the door at the end of the day.  Sometimes I don’t even look up from what I’m doing – I just call out “hi” from another room.  I realized how the reception you get when you come in the door can have such a huge impact, and  how it can do wonders to erase the effects of a difficult day.

I’m having this flash to a scene I recall from some 1950′s homemaker’s magazine where women are instructed to meet their husbands at the door “in a fresh dress, with a martini ready for him” -don’t worry, this isn’t what I mean (although the martini sounds like a nice touch!).  I guess I’m just thinking of making a bit of an extra effort to show how genuinely happy I am to see the people I love when they come in the door.  I’m going to try it and see what happens.

Use Your Nose

Did you know that a mid-August morning smells different than a mid-July morning?

Every day when Gus and I head out for our walk, the first thing he does is to stop on the porch, lift his nose up in the air, and SMELL.  He uses his whole body; deeply breathing in the air and reading all its unique scents and stories.

This morning in the middle of the field I stopped and did the same thing.  It was incredible.  I could smell last night’s heavy thunderstorms, still hanging thickly in the air.  That familiar heavy, humid feeling with the strong scent of pine and cedar transported me back to memories of the forests of Algonquin Park and summer camp when I was younger.  The sun began emerging through the clouds, and I noticed a subtle change in the scents on the air.  Just as the sun causes colours to reflect differently, so did it “colour” the scents I was breathing in; brightening them somehow as they warmed in the light.

I closed my eyes and took another deep sniff – then I noticed another note in the air:  freshly cut grass.  Sure enough, far in the distance another field was being mowed.  There is nothing that says “summer” more than the smell of cut grass, yet it was unbelievable how this time it clearly said “summer’s winding down” as it mingled with the other distinct scents of mid-August.

Several strides across the field and both Gus and I stopped to sniff again.  This time there was a new, acrid, top note added to the mix.  The very faint smell of skunk wafted on the breeze, causing both of us to stiffen just a bit.  I’m sure it was just a remnant of last night’s adventures, but I put Gus on leash nevertheless, just to avoid any potential trouble.

Every day when we walk, Gus and I go through this ritual several times.  While there is no doubt that a dog’s sense of smell is infinitely more developed than ours, I feel that most of us rarely take advantage of the complexity we can detect if we just stop, breathe deeply and concentrate on what’s in the air.

It has been said that our sense of smell can trigger memory more powerfully than any other sense.  My kids roll their eyes at me, but I often get them to stop, smell, and “make a memory” when we are together and something smells particularly wonderful.  Whether it is the warm earthy smell of worms in early April or the crisp wood smoke and frost of December, or even the tantalizing aroma of freshly baking bread before dinner, these memories are richly embedded in our brains, and they will stay with us for a lifetime.

Give it a try!

Hello world!

Things happen for a reason.

I’ve always believed that, but now I’m sure.  We just came in from seeing Julie and Julia – a fabulous feel-good movie.  On the surface it’s about the true story of a woman who cooks her way through Julia Child’s cookbook in a year and blogs about it.  In reality it is about following your heart and getting up off the couch and acting on what you are passionate about.

So it’s 10:30 on a rainy Saturday night, and here I am.

For about 3 years I’ve been telling people that I’m working on this book called “Lessons From Gus.”  I have been working, but most of what I have to show for it is  still in my head.  At some point every day I have an “aha” moment where some reality about the world is drawn into sharper focus through my experiences with Gus – my 82 pound Labradoodle.  Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not here to blog about doggie life or pet care.  The lessons that Gus has taught me in the past 3 1/2 years are about my life, and how to live it. The subtitle of the book is “Essential life wisdom for people.”

I’ve kept track of all the “big lessons” and I’ve compiled them into the table of contents and a few short pieces for my fledgling book.  It’s sort of a cross between Marley and Me, Tuesdays with Morrie, and Life’s Little Instruction Book – all 3 of which I highly recommend to anyone who hasn’t read them.

So anyways, I think I’m starting to ramble a bit, which I think is a bit of a blogging “no-no”.  Here’s the bottom line:  I am making a commitment to myself to write some piece for the book every day until the end of the year.  I’m going to do it through this blog, and then by January 1, 2010 I should have something worthy of moving forward with.

Along the way, I hope to share some of my passion and hopefully a little of what I believe is wisdom for life.  Maybe I’ll even touch some like-minded souls out there.  I guess you’ll let me know…